Pandora's Hideaway

Crossplay musings

2011-11-05T09:20:00.002Z

Over the last couple of years I've started to get into Cosplay. There's a wikipedia article on the subject, but its basically fancy dress where you portray a specific character, and pay attention to the details. As well as the dressing up angle, I also like the challenge of creating a costume. Whether that's trying to find something similar in the shops to adapt, or going the whole hog and buying material and a pattern. Some people just buy the costumes (often from sweatshops in the far east), but that cuts out half of the fun for me.

In the late 90s and early 2000s I'd attended anime and manga conventions, seen the awesome costumes, and even attended talks and workshops, but I'd never got started. Fortunately some IRC silliness and peer pressure convinced me give it a go last May. As a T*person I naturally gravitated to what is know as Crossplay - cosplaying a character of a different gender to yourself - and I've been really surprised at the reception.

Crossplay has a bit of a bad rap because of male crossplayers with hairy legs and five o'clock shadow, and female crossplayers who act out smutty Yaoi (guy on guy snogging or worse) scenes in public. Fortunately I had my tranny skills, and I pick characters who don't expose bits I'm not proud of!

Although a few chav kids have made snide comments, the cosplayers I've met have been very complimentary, both about my novice costuming skills, and my feminine acting (although my self conscious nature always worries they are exaggerating). I think it has helped by picking fandoms where the majority of fans are female, and they are used to crossplaying to meet all the major roles.

Or maybe its novelty? MtF crossplayers are still quite the rarity when you exclude those doing it half-arsedly or for "a larf", so maybe they are preserving an endangerd species ;-)

Either way, my next costume in progress is Miss Finster from Disney's Recess. I'm hoping this will provoke some amused nostalgia!

Burlesque Update

2011-07-23T09:41:00.003+01:00

I've been a bit slack with this blog haven't I? :)

Last week was the final lesson with Burlesque Norwich before the dance studio stops night classes for the summer (I have no idea why, but there you go). In the last fifteen week myself and the lovely K have progressed from the Beginners class to the Advanced one!

My choreography still leaves a lot to be desired (not to mention my memory for remembering a routine), but I now know several poses and walks, a number of ways to remove a stocking, slip, gloves and blouse! Some of the lessons and techniques have been challenging (The Charleston and lying back on a chair and "cycling" in the air) but it's been lots of fun. And our tutor and classmates are all really nice people. I hope they all come back in the autumn.

The talk of putting on a small show is still going ahead, and I'm feeling a bit more confident about performing at this Afternoon Tease, but we'll see what things are like later in the year.

In other news:

Next week is Norwich Pride again. Fingers crossed for dry weather!

And I've become addicted to Minecraft. Here's a castle I built for practice:

Seemed a good idea at the time.

2011-04-12T23:02:00.003+01:00

OK. Who was the genius that suggested taking burlesque lessons?

Oh yeah, it was me!

A few weeks ago Burlesque Norwich had some taster sessions. I've not managed to make it to one of their perfomance nights yet, but I thought it sounded like fun, and would make a few trannies out there a little jealous ;-)

My GF said she was up for it too, so we toodled off and had a go.

Apart from a couple of bitchy girls who spent the session sniggering and whispering (possibly about me, possibly about some of the older or heavier dancers, I don't know) it was fun. And quite the work out. I wanted to sign up for the beginners course right away, but K wanted to think about it. There was going to be a second course a few weeks later, and with luck the bitchy girls would go on the first course, or not come back.

Last week was our first lesson.

Decked out in my casual drag (hot pants, black leggings, bare feet and a cute t-shirt) I learned some poses, and a three person mini-routine involving a chair, switching places and Hey Big Spender. It was much easier than the lyric-free dance we learned at the taster, and it was fun.

This week was much harder! Apart from a few domestic disasters that meant we were late (and I missed the warmup getting into costume) the step-up to stockings and heels made a big difference.

Probably didn't help having a slightly different physiology to the rest of the class, being unfit, and being a bit of a heifer either! ;-)

Also ripped a stocking learning the peel technique for seductively removing your stockings. But the tutor did give me some ankle exercises to practice for next week. We're using props for that lesson (like feather boas and fans)

I think I might not progress to the intermediate class at this rate (although you never know). But I am looking forward to the ball we're having in June to promote the class and let the more confident dancers have a go with an audience. Not sure whether I'll volunteer to go up at the moment. But we'll see!

More next week!

In Exile

2011-01-23T21:19:00.005Z

Saturday night was the first Exile club night of 2011. Exile is the replacement for the Chains on Velvet goth night in Norwich at The Waterfront.

I haven't been since it changed it's name a few years back, but K was interested in wearing her new purchases from the new gothy shop out here in the sticks. We've also made friends with the shop's owners G and L and they said they'd meet up with us if we went too. So off we went.

Getting dressed was slightly issue-filled as things decided not to fit properly, or to play badly with other items once on, but we left the house on time and looking good.

Not a great pic (you can't see my kitty ears), but you get the general stripey pink/black Cheshire Cat vibe from it.

We met G and L in the Hotel Nelson bar and got plenty of funny looks from the other patrons (the barstaff seemed fine though. I guess they were either professionals, or were still reeling from the cosplay event there earlier in the day!) Fine by me. You don't wear a PVC mini-dress and hair extensions to blend in! I just smiled back at the people who stared. After that we popped to a pub, and then on to the main event.

It hasn't changed much. They even had the same banners and wall hangings.

The event is held in the upstairs room of The Waterfront, with a dancefloor, stage, and bar. It was quite empty at the start, and the DJ wasn't doing much to fill the floor. To be honest the music wasn't that great all night. Apart from some Rammstein, and some dancier numbers, it was generic EBM, and slowish gothy stuff I didn't recognise. Shame really. I got in some dancing, but mostly chatted to people, and wandered the other rooms of the venue. There was an alternative-indie night downstairs, but after staying for a couple of songs K and I were unimpressed and went back up.

I didn't feel like I was passing for female (and there were lots of teen girls about), so I used the gents when needed. Which led to amusement later as a bunch of drunk lads waiting for their girls to come out yelled, "THAT'S THE BLOKES LOO!" as I went in. I wasn't feeling up to witty banter, so I just yelled back, " I HAVE A PENIS!" which caused the guy leaving the room to look me up and down and ask, "Really?"

Once inside (and waiting for the cubicle) I chatted with two lads about knighthoods and titles (as you do ;)) and was pleased when they commented on my outfit. The chattier of the pair said that he was from London, so my outfit was pretty normal for a goth night, but that he was impressed I had the balls to wear it in a backwater like this. I bumped into him later, and he said that he was still impressed :D

The general style was interesting to see. We had one or two girls in PVC and corsets, a few girls in leopardprint/50's style, a Ramona Flowers lookalike, couple of guys in fishnet and bondage pants, and quite a lot of black jeans and t-shirts. There also was a guy in a hooded cape, but he looked a little selfconscious. I think I'm gonna stick with the cyberstyle for future events, as for small town nights I have to dress-down and stick to blokey stuff.

Much later in the evening I saw a fellow clubber I hadn't met in years. It took a while to recognise me, but she said she was pleased I'd dropped the metal-headlook, and embraced cybergoth. We than had a chat and caught up. I wonder if she'll respond to the message I sent this morning on Facebook?

As the event is now every few months, rather than monthly, we'll probably make the effort next time as well, as overall it was fun, despite the so-so music

Echo Bazaar: The strange tale of Fallen London

2010-11-28T19:58:00.004Z

I've recently been hooked by a browser game called Echo Bazaar. Its a clever little thing with a rather wonderful atmosphere and turn of phrase.

Victorian London was stolen (or maybe it was sold, it's not entirely clear) and is now located several miles under the earth. Some things haven't changed - there are urchins, and criminals, and a crazed killer on the loose (the mysterious Face Tailor). But there are some things about that really shouldn't be - Hell has an embassy here, and devils go about their business like any other person; death isn't permanent for the cunning or ruthless; nightmares are very real; and a drop of the mysterious Prisoner's Honey will transport you somewhere else....

Practically, it is a mostly text game (although items and stories have some wonderfully evocative illustrations) where you have ten actions to spend on mini stories, with these actions refreshing at a regular rate. You can also refresh once a day by Twittering an advert for the game.

Stories range from one-off encounters from your opportunities deck - contact from a maiden aunt, or an invitation to see The Duchess - to complex storylets with multiple choices and opportunities - the Mushroom Jumping Races, clearing your house of a vermin infestation, or seducing an impoverished artist.

Everything you do can affect your four stats - Dangerous, Watchful, Persuasive and Shadowy - or give you "status ailments" like Nightmares, Scandal, Wounds or Suspicion. Some key decisions can give you a reputation for Hedonism, Ruthlessness or even Daring. And you can build up a network of connections from the urchins and criminals all the way up to the devils and high society. You might even become a player in the Great Game.

So what have I been up to in the game?
I very foolishly flirted with devils, and met up with them at the circus for a chat.
I brought a message back for a greiving widow when I escaped death.
I invited my aunt down to the city to live the life she's always dreamed of.
I've played with the hearts of an artist and his model.
I've protected urchins from thugs.
I've made progress on discovering the secrets of the Face Tailor
I've made it my life's ambition to hunt and kill the mysterious creature The Vake.
And I've been bitten by The Eater of Chains while rescuing a family.

Of all the rest that last one worries me the most. My girlfriend thinks I'm mad for being on first name terms with minions of hell, but that festering bite mark has all sorts of dangerous and exciting story potential. I wonder where it will lead?

Join in the Echo Bazaar here

Or read the blog of the designers for all sorts of interesting gossip

Wierd!

2010-10-10T09:43:00.004+01:00

In the last week or so, I've had three people favourite a very ropey Flickr pic of me dressed up at a friends hen night.

Its not a great pic, and there's no nudity, or underwear in shot. And as far as I know I've not been on Badlydressed.com. So what on earth caused this spontaneous favouriting?

Bizarre!

Everyone loves a parade!

2010-08-07T09:28:00.009+01:00

Bit of a belated post this one, but I've not really been in a writing mood.

Last weekend was Norwich's second ever Pride celebration. I managed to go to last year's, but circumstances meant I wasn't able to stay for the parade(I don't like the word "march" in this context). So this year I cleared my diary, and got my GF to do the same. It was still all a bit last minute, not helped by a family holiday and a lost phone, but a message from Lara made it all viable again.

I'd got my outfit packed the night before, and a cooler bag was on standby for when we were ready to go. So all we had to do was wake up, get dressed (civvies for me, fabulous 20s ensemble for my girlfriend), and grab everything we needed.

It was drizzling when we got to Norwich and parked up, but we were in good spirits as we walked to the Forum.

The Forum is Norwich's "new" library and meeting place (aptly named then!) It's a big glass fronted building with an large atrium at the front, the library itself, a radio station, cafe, meeting rooms, and display rooms. Outside is a large roundish area surrounded by shallow steps on two sides, a church on one side, and a road on the last.

This year there was the Big Rainbow Bus from Pink Punters, and a stage by the roadside, and the atrium was filled with stalls from all sorts of organisations and businesses. There were advocacy groups, trade unions, a gay-friendly adoption agency, various LGBT groups from local employers, a couple of craft stalls, and even the local police who were conducting a survey on safety, hate crimes, and whether people knew who to turn to if they had problems. They had a TARDIS with holes cut in, and each side had two questions, and holes for yes/no/don't know that you popped a pingpong ball in to register your feelings. It was pretty cool.

My girlfriend was drawn to the tombola, and we came away with a couple of CDs and a voucher for Innania's Festival (a local pagan/hippy/crystals type shop). I also bought a rather lovely hairband with a black lace, and a pink satin, bow attached. The two ladies running the stall were friendly and chatty, and I showed them the hairfalls I was going to wear later in the day. They were very taken by the neon pink!

Outside they were getting ready for a linedancing display/workshop, so we wandered off to the park where the picnic was going to be. Plenty of stewards setting up for the march, but no picnickers. So it seemed like a good time to get ready. A local community theatre had set aside a dressing area for Pride, and it was this that swung my atendance from maybe to yes! The reaction of the young lady on the reception desk to the before and after put me in a very positive mood.

This was the ensemble:

When I was done we wandered back to the park to start on our picnic. We met Lara there looking a little demure, and chatted with Noam of the Warhol Factory Rejects. The sun was getting out, and we ate our food listening to the Norwich Samba Band, Vince Laws and some other poets I didn't catch the name of, and we also had a chat with a nice old couple who we shared a bench with.

While we had been eating Lara had gone off to get changed into this rather spiffy steampunk/Victoriana outfit:

There was still an hour to go until the march, so we had the bright idea to dump the picnic and anything else we didn't need to lug around, back at the car. This was either a moment of madness or genius, because when we re-emerged rfom the car park, the heavens had opened!

We stood under shelter with lots of other people dressed for summer, until we got bored, and then made a break for it. Weaving our way through Norwich we went via Jarrold's MAC makeup counter, the covered market, and finally took a break at the Forum again. Where we chatted to the ladies on the craft stall again, met up with old friends Lynn and Diane, and waited for a break in the weather.

When it didn't lok like any was going to come, we gave up and started walking anyway. Sadly by this point my fluffy boots were rather waterlogged around the bottom, and getting a bit muddy. But we kept calm and carried on ;-)

Back at the park, there was already a large crowd gathered, and the Lord Mayor and Town Crier gave a speech from the bandstand that was mostly lost in the wind. Fortunately the organisers and stewards had better projection and advised everyone that there would be protesters along the route. We were asked not to boo or jeer, and instead to ignore them, and cheer, smile and generally have a good time as we passed. Genius!

And then, as the samba band started up, and the whistles started to blow, the sun came out and the rain stopped!

The parade itself was great. It wasn't too fast, and several times we halted for reasons we never found out. There was all sorts of people marching with us. There were unions and organiastions with banners (even including the local Quakers and Unitarian church!); parents with children (who had been to the facpainting sessions before the parade); the leather brigade (including a man in rubber and a gasmask); teens, old people; drag queens; a giant pair of lips and a soundsystem on a trolley from the Warhol Factory Rejects; dogwalkers with dogs in rainbow doggie coats; lots and lots of rainbow flags; and even Norfolk's new Cheif Constable, showing his comittment to the LGBT community. There's a video here if you want to see the start of the march.

The police had closed off the streets, so we marched along the centre of the roads and waved and smiled at all the people standing on the pavements (and some people on balconies and looking out of windows). I had to laugh as we passed Chapelfield Mall. A girl watching the parade scoffed and said to her friend "This can't be legal!" As if a spontaneous parade could happen without months of planing and co-ordination with the council and the police!

The protesters were outside Primark and behind stewards and police silently holding up placards with biblical quotes on. Which amused me because of the Quakers and Unitarians marching with us. Some people with us also had on t-shirts that read "Jesus loves everyone" on the front and "even smug hypocritical bigots" on the back. The protesters were ignored, and everyone cheered, laughed and blew whistles as we passed.

The parade finally arrived at the Forum, where we gathered for some speeches from the organisers, and the Cheif Constable. We were also taught the gesture for "Pride" by the people providing British Sign Language translations of the speeches.

But we were tired out after this, and decided to call it a day. We found somewhere to eat (a very nice cornish pastie place by the market) and wandered off to the carpark via a few shops.

Getting changed back to civvies in a multistory carpark is a story I'm going to gloss over! But overall the day was great. I'm a sucker for compliments, and even the looks of confusion from people made me smile. The only negative comment I got all day was a snigger from a chav. Otherwise, people were wonderful.

In the march people were walking at diferent speeds, so you tended to be walking with different people at different times. And everyone we walked with was friendly, some were even chatty.

I'm really looking forward to next year's parade.

MCM London Expo May 2010 review

2010-06-05T10:49:00.002+01:00

Friday was an absolute nightmare. Some idiot decided to bring in a steam train to my local station, and cordon off an area for the spotters. What they didn't take into account was by choosing platform 2, they were blocking off access to platform 1 (the regular train to London). And more importantly they hadn't accounted for lateness or bothered to keep staff and passengers informed about what was going on.

My poor girlfriend was trying to transport my birthday cake through the crowds of oblivious morons, and was getting more and more stressed by the second, but once we were lost in the scrum there was nothing that could be done. She couldn't even pass lugagge to me, put it down, or even find space to stop and catch her breath.

When we finally got on the train with minutes to spare she was nursing bruised and aching arms and we were both out of breath and stressed.

Fortunately we were in better spirits when we arrived in London, although miles of stairs and escalators at Bank to get to the DLR link didn't help matters.

When we got to our hotel we were releived to dump everything and just lay down for a bit and unwind.

When we were better we had a quick exploration of the area (plenty of shops and fast food choices), and then retired to the hotel pub for an enormous burger and fries. So huge I couldn't even finish mine!

Before settling down for the night, we checked over the early entry info, and set our alarms...

Woke up before the alarm. I don't sleep well in unusual beds, and I was still stressed from the day before, and excited about the Expo.

We'd decided to leave our cosplaying until later in the day, and hit the shopping stalls ASAP. Unfortunately I had miscalculated.

Arriving in the main hallway of Excel half an hour before early entry started (2.5 hours before regular entry is allowed) we found a gigantic queue. After walking half the length of the building we found a friend has saved us a space. Fortunately we were not lynched for queue jumping.

After what seemd like hours, but was probably 30 mins we got to the gates and saw another vast queue. Fortunately our advance tickets allowed us to bypass it, but after we exhanged them for wristbands and got our goodybags, we had to queue again in the cattle-pens to enter the main hall.

We eventually entered the main hall at 9:40, forty minutes after opening (and over an hour since we started queuing), and boy was it busy already. Fortunately with a bit of patience, and some deft footwork, you could get to any of the stalls.

The majority of the stalls at the front of the hall were selling plush toys, merchandise, and comics. But once you started digging there were DVDs, hats, figures, games, replica and prop weapons, and even CDs.

Past the sales stalls there was a large section for the Yugioh competitions; some promo areas for forthcoming films, video games and TV programmes; a wrestling ring (not sure why); an area for artists to promote their comics; and a couple of stage areas for events.

I wasn't really in the buying mood, but did get to chat to a really nice lady who drew Hetalia postcards and posters, and the creator of Fetishman. My girlfriend pointed out the similarity in our personalities after I'd chatted to him for a while, and she'd bought me a Tea-Master General pack (comic, poster,embroidered patch, and ID card).

My girlfriend and her friend tried to buy some yaoi comics, but discovered they didn't bring any ID to the expo. While tey were rummaging and grumbling, I got chatting to an Arcanine cosplayer, and made a friend by sharing my fan. Fursuiters get HOT in those things!

The day was not lst however, as a second pass of the stalls turned up a Hetalia Yaoi compilation called Under The Same Sky which proved very popular among the fans that day!

After we'd had our fill of the hall, we dropped off our friend with some cosplayers and went to change. My girlfriend was crossplaying as the cute Turkish Republic of Northern Cyprus, and I was also crossplaying as Belarus.

I actually spent most of the weekend with the Hetalia cosplayers. They were a fun bunch and really friendly. Possibly a bit too friendy if you've seen some of my pictures on Facebook ;-)

I was celebrating my birthday that weekend so while when my GF took her friend to get chaged into her second outfit, she also picked up my birthday cake from our room.

It was a large sponge frosted with butter-icing, coloured to look like the Belarsian flag! It was awesome. We joined some other Hetali cosplayers who were picnicing, but sadly no-one had a knife. Fortunately we got chatting to an Eldar Dire Avenger cosplayer who offered to cut the cake with his sword. It was a bit messy, but we all got cake. And he was amused by being able to eat cake from a sword :)

The wind was picking up now, and a few spots of rain were felt, so we retreated undercover. But not before doing the Carameldansen

I also got to meet breifly with Helena Love, who I've corresponded with online, but never actually met. She also took the best photo of me that weekend (much better than the so-called pro by the white shutters!) Sadly she had other commitment, as did I, but it was nice to finally speak in person.

The weather was variable for quite a while, but it was nice to chat with everyone. We took a break at lunch time to visit the local shops (buying food in a kebabshop is hlarious while crossplaying!)

When the rain got too heavy, we retreated back inside, for a bit more shopping, and eventually retired to the hotel bar for fried calamari and spicy potato wedges.But not afte a long walk escorting my GF's friend back to her hotel.

There was an organised party at the Ibis, but as it was ticket only, and we were very tired, we didn't really care.

Even with the air-con on it was a stuffy night and I didn't really sleep well. As I lay half away I debated whether to cosplay again or not on the Sunday.

Waking up with the sun on Sunday morning I decided to wear my costume again. This time we had to wait for my GF's mate to arrive as she was storing her stuff in our room (and didn't want to walk a couple of miles from her hotel in a skimpy costume!)

This time we arrived one hour early, and outside the hall there were no queues, and inside things moved smoothly to the holding area where we ended up sitting for most of the hour. Although this was punctuated by cries of "CARD GAMES ON MOTORCYCLES!" and other silliness.

People musy have realised how much better the queues were on Sunday because spirits were high, and as we filed out of the final row of the cattle run, people were high-fiving the next row as they passed.

Sunday was a lot more laid back. We had a look around the sales hall again, and Geof, the creator of Fetishman, wished me a happy birthday and complimented me on my entourage (My girlfriend was clearing a path before us, and her friend was following behind with a flag :) ).

After that we spent most of the day out in the sun photographing cosplayers and chilling out. As the sun went down we escorted my GFs friend to the station, then we went back to the hotel bar for a very yummy cod and chips.

I did some packing, and we went to sleep. I still didn't sleep well.

Which didn't help on Monday morning. The DLR was out of service and the replacement bus was packed. Changing at Tower Gateway means leaving the station, crossing a busy road, and enetering via another entrance. Kings Cross Station is horrible and I never want to use it again. The Cambridge Express didn't open its doors until one minute before departure time. And for some reason the hourly trains from Norwich to the sticks pause for mid-afternoon.

I arrived home very frazzled and short tempered. :(

Overall (apart from the travel nightmares) it was a really good weekend. Even the bad weather didn't stop us having fun, and I've learned a few lessons for next time. I'm not sure if I prefer the expo style to the more intimite hotel-cons, but I'm definitely going again in October.

I suppose I'd better start work on that costume then...

How the Labour Party Lost My Vote

2010-03-18T07:24:00.003Z

I've always been a bit of an old lefty. I figure the world is a better place to live in when the the minimum standard of living is a bit higher than a cardboard box and a blind eye turned. So imagine my disgust when I saw the latest bit of direct marketing by the Labour Party.

"Lib Dem Leader: Thatcher was right!" declares the headline. Although it doesn't actually stoop to telling us why he thought that, or what about. Don't you love a lack of context? But wait! They've helpfully expanded this with an alleged newpaper headline - "My admiriation for Thatcher; by Clegg". Even more lack of context. It could have been admiration for her hair, or standing up to critics, or even suceeding in a mans world.

"But which newspaper is this from?" you ask, so you can have an informed opinion. Why, the Daily Mail of course. *head-desk*

If you trust this gutter rag to report fairly, and accurately, then I have a bridge you might like to buy.

The soon-to-be-recyling then goes on to say how the Lib Dems are more in line with the old Tories, than the new Conservative party is. I suppose that's because the new Conservatives are too busy trying to emulate the New Labour party policy of "Say what will get most votes from Middle England" rather than having some firm ideals or values?

After I'd torn the leaflet up I dicovered a wonderful nugget of scare-mongery on the back - "Only Labour can beat the Tories," it claims. "A vote for the Lib Dems or any other party wll let the Tories win!" If a party is reduced to advocating tactical voting, I think they've already lost.

I still can't forgive the Conservatives for snatching school milk, the miners strikes, and the Poll Tax, but if the opposition has sunk to this level (remember when the Consevatives created the New Labour - New Danger posters?) then we have nothing left to lose.

Personally I will be voting for the party I want to win*, not the one I hate less.

*=Certainly not the Conservatives or one of those single policy parties like UKIP or the BNP either!

Blows the dust away

2010-02-23T23:20:00.002Z

Time for an update I think.

The blog hasn't seen much action recently because I haven't done anything I'd regard as noteworthy. The poor weather, the general malaise, and apathy have meant I haven't been out much. And even when I have the events have been such that if you weren't there, there is little interest in hearing about it.

Sadly I'm not sure when this will change. Hopefully when we see the sun again!

One thing that has been going well is the relationship front. K and I are getting on well. We went to see Sherlock Holmes and then have a meal for Valentines day (we both enoyed the film, and the food was good too), went to a LGBT month talk about censorship and homosexuality in Sailor Moon, and have made more than a few shopping trips together since we hooked up in November.

I think it helps that we have some shared interests (gaming and anime) and some interests not shared by the other (she loves cooking TV shows and I don't. I love to read novels, ad she doesn't). It also helps that she met Pandora before we started dating.

She takes great joy in pointing out things "Pandora would like" when shopping. Although I think she sees me as tartier than I actually am! We also enjoy laughing the "hooker shoes" that seem to be in every shoe shop right now (leopard print 5" heels, patent pink stillettoes, etc)

I've even met the parents but she hasn't met my family yet. I'm still referred to as a "friend", but I think her parents are smart enough to realise the situation. I suspect they are letting her tell them in her own time :)

We shall see where things go from here.

Obligatory end of year post

2009-12-31T13:41:00.003Z

Haven't posted much this year. Mainly because I haven't really had anything to say. I've certainly mellowed since changing jobs two years ago, and I don't remember the last time I needed a good rant. Annoyances are now little things that aren't worth the bother to post - hooray.

As for the good stuff, that's mostly personal and not really something I want to share with the world.

So what has happened this year?

I started off the year in drag, in a posh frock and tiara at The Catherine Wheel's NYE party. It was "Oscars" themed, and I don't own a tux ;-)

In summer I dated a scientist, and although we had a lot in common, and had some fun times, the spark wasn't really there. We're still on each other's Facebook friends list, but we don't really have much to talk about these days.

Later in the summer, I was all brave and attended Norwich's first Pride event. Circumstances conspired to stop me staying until the parade, but I was there for the picnic in Chapelfield Gardens, and went to the Forum where there were stalls and info booths.

In the autumn I tried my hand at making jewellery, and that's going pretty well. I've sold a couple of pieces, and made some friends happy with gifts. And I have a few pieces kept back for my own use too

For Halloween I refined my goth look, and made my first non-jewellery accessories (with quite a bit of help from Mum!) - furry rave boot-covers.

And more recently I've started to date a lovely young lady. No more details on that though - everytime I've blogged about a new relationship, it's fallen apart soon after :(

Tonight is NYE all over again, and once again I will be celebrating with friends as Pan. But this year I'll let my friends do the outshining. I've got some nice faux-leather jeans, and a belted top I've been itching to wear. Understated isn't a look I've played with before (and it's not a LGBT venue) so we'll see how it goes!

Halloween: After action report

2009-11-02T18:37:00.003Z

Halloween was fun, but as ever, there's always a little bit of drama you can't avoid.

Arriving to pick up my friend on the way, I find she has been locked out of home. Her parents had gone out, she hadn't aken her keys, and they were late back. We wait for half an hour or so, before giving up, and heading to the party. I figure we can come back later to pick up her costume befre we all get dressed and head to the pub. Fortunately the reason she was out in the first place was to buy party food. So at least we had that.

Arriving at the hosts, we find the wind-down of the children's party earlier. Her two are running about excitedly, and there's a very smal child being looked after by a relative. This was mostly fun. We just sat in the other room, chatted to the host and some other friends, scoffed doritos, and chilled out while the kids tired themselves out and watched Jungle Junction (What a wierd show that is!)

My friend tries to cal her parents several times, but they aren't answering. Also we get a phone cal from the babysitters who are on the way, but are running late!

After while we decide it's time to start getting ready. Those that can start getting dressed, we pool our resources and the host's wardrobe to scrounge up a costume for my friend, and we wait for the late-comer to arrive.

This is my costume. The corset didn't look right, so I'm glad I packed the fishnet t-shirt!

Eventually we have everyone present and correct, the kids are with the sitters, and we are all ready to go. So we take the walk to the pub, and wave at the revellers, and parent taking kids home from trick-or-treating.

The band we went to see - Monkey Island - were pretty cool, and we met some fun folks there. I think I made the night of a shy girl when I asked if her outfit was a costume or just incredibly stylish. Turns out it wasn't a costume, and she seemed quite pleased (but a little embrarrased) to be complimented :)

Sadly the pub also had the ex of one of our party, so there was tension and drama. And then more tension and drama later when a different couple that was with us had a bit of a row because one of them was the ex of another member of our happy little bunch. Can't people just put things aside and have fun one night of the year? *sigh*

The evening wasn't a complte loss though, and we moved on to another pub, via the host's to change shoes (we we're all regretting wearing heels) and drop off those too tired to continue) We saw another band there - The Divide - who were cool, but a bit heavy for my mood on the night.

We also chatted to a lonely looking Alice Cooper look-a-like. Which was a mistake, as the guy was clearly strung out on an illegal substance. Fortunately we left before he became too twitchy.

We stayed for the last song, then went back to the hosts via the kebab shop. And then came removing the costumes, and sleep (and me finding out I am too tall to sleep comfortably on a sofa!)

In the morning, we finaly found out my friends parents had decided not to come back until much later that evening. They though she had her keys!

More pictures of the night are on my Facebook profile, but they are friends only. Sorry!

"And Now I'm Back; From Outer Space!"

2009-10-24T16:19:00.005+01:00

I haven't blogged for absolutely ages, because nothing of interest or importance has been going on in my life. But in just seven days time it's Halloween! The tranny's favourite holiday!

Well-over a year ago I had a play at cybergoth. It was a bit half arsed, but the acrylic yarn hair-falls worked out pretty well. (photo here). I then revisited the look again for my birthday drinkies that year (photo here) , swapping out the blue yarn for some red, adding a black PVC longcoat and some bright red tights and eye-shadow. It was much more successful.

This year for Halloween I'm stepping up the look with more accessories. I've aqcuired some bright pink yarn, and re-threaded the hair-falls; I found some day-glo pink eye-shadow in Beaujangles; a friend gave me some old black and pink stripy arm-warmers, and chipped in with the girls of my gaming group to snag me a black and pink corset from the Ann Summers sale; and most important of all, I've bought some pink faux fur!

Why have I bought fur you may well ask? Good question. The answer is because all the goth/club/rave shops in the city sell furry boot covers but they are all teeny-tiny and far too expensive. Fortunately Sew Mee had a tutorial on their site (which is currently missing, presumed lost. Grrr) and I picked up some almost eye-meltingly bright pink fur during the week. Luckily I also have a Mum who is a dab hand with a sewing machine, and is looking for things to keep her busy. So today we did lots of measuring, tacking, cutting and sewing. I still need some black ribbon to tie them off at the knee, but they are mostly finished.

I can't wait to see how the yokels will react when we go out on the night! Although I am a little concerned I may have gone a bit overboard for a fancy dress party... Nah, stuff it, I haven't had a chance to be fabulous in yonks!

*Post title is from Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive" and is a homage to Lynn's blog YATGB

Out of the mouths of babes...

2009-08-19T11:03:00.003+01:00

One of my best mates has a two year old daughter who is very perceptive. She's never met Pandora, and we don't discuss her (except in third person) around said daughter. However my friend was on Messenger chatting with me the other day, and her daughter asked who she was chatting with.

"Uncle Bob*," said my friend. Whereupon her daughter gave her a look to say "I love you mummy but you are very dim" and told her in no uncertain terms that she mean Auntie Bob*. Naturally she relayed this to me, and we fell about laughing for quite some time.

*=Not my actual name but you get the idea:)

Pride

2009-08-15T23:13:00.004+01:00

So as you will have seen from the local press, Norwich finally had its first Pride event. And despite much faff, I got to attend properly.

For the months before I'd had a posse of interested folks. But as the time drew nearer things kept cropping up. Conflicting events (who organises two Pride marches on the same day? ;) ), lack of babysitters, no transport, and assorted other things meant that I very nearly gave the whole thing up as a bad job. And even until the day proper I was resigned to going in drab.

Fortunately the day itself was bright and sunny, and this both cheered me up, and boosted my confidence. After a quick call to make sure my best mate was cool with me attending en femme, I got ready. "Practical" was my goal, so denim shorts and this awesome white T-shirt from Yours were teamed with opaque tights and trainers. I even took my only large practical handbag stocked with bottled water and sunblock. With a smile on my face, and head held high I headed to my car, and then to the city.

Arriving at my mate's I was informed that she was looking after her daughter that day. And after much hoo-haa she finally turned up. Her first reaction was a polite nod and then getting on with her own stuff. Then came the open mouth and pointing. Then the "You're wearing girls clothes." This very quickly gave way to amused compliments, and lots of questions on where I got my bag, and my top, and what I used for breasts; and finally just dealing with it and chatting away as normal. Bless her ;)

The events were pretty cool. There were all sorts of stall inside The Forum with info and things to buy. Nice to see the local constabulary and unions getting involved. It was also amusing to see the emo kids that usually crowd the steps had to move a little to the left because of all the LGBT people enjoying the entertainment, and just relaxing.

We had a quick shopping and food break midday, where I managed to out myself to an old friend, and got very polite and friendly service in Burger King. We also spotted that the castle in the centre of the city was flying the rainbow flag in honour of pride.

And then it was time for the picnic. We met up with some of my mate's friends (and family) in the park, and just relaxed watching the more adventurous people's costumes. Sadly outside factors meant we couldn't stay for the march itself, but we saw everyone forming up ready. And surprisingly the Lord Mayor herself who had agreed to lead the parade to show the City supported the march.

Overall it was a fun day, helped by the good weather in a week when it had been very changeable. And for those with next year's diary already, the next Pride event will be on Saturday 31st July 2010.

Afterthought: As I arrived home I saw my new neighbour. As he was busy with something, I blanked him. I don't think he recognised me, but its hard to tell. He hasn't mentioned it anyway.

"Feed me Seymour"

2009-08-15T18:57:00.004+01:00

So the little Venus Fly Traps are progressing slowly but surely. You can now make out the tiny, soon to be hungry, mouths. But even a midge would be too much for them at the moment!

They're still in their terrarium and original pot. They are still too tiny to transplant.

"But you cannot make her think"

2009-07-11T11:52:00.003+01:00

The Venus Flytrap now has three, or possibly four buds. It's still in its protective terrarium, because the buds are still tiny, but I have managed to photograph them.

Behold:

If you want a larger, more detailed picture, the Flickr version is here

Today's title courtsey of Dorothy Parker. When challenged to make an epigram on the subject of "horticulture", she replied, "You can lead a whore to culture, but you cannot make her think!"

Green fingers

2009-06-18T17:49:00.002+01:00

Two weeks ago I planted a packet of seeds for a Venus Fly Trap. They were tiny little black things smaller than the grains of fine sand they were packed with. I didn't hold out much hope though. When my brother tried to grow one, the whole packet of seeds failed to sprout.

So the pot has been sitting on my kitchen windowsill in a plastic bag, in a tray of water for a fortnight. And I've just had a look at the compost through the bag. Looks like there is some green fuzz and a single green bud! It's tiny (about a millimetre) but it's poking up above the soil. In another two to four weeks it should be ready to come out of the bag. Maybe even to re-pot, who knows.

I'm actually quite excited about it.

There will be pictures once it's out of the bag.

I can haz qualifications?

2009-05-21T17:26:00.003+01:00

Apologies for the lolspeak, but I now have confirmation that I passed my NCFE 2* in Equality and Diversity. An actual, physical, certificate is ETA unknown, but I am now qualified to stroke my chin and declare, "I think this may be discriminatory!" :)

I've also started the coursework on my NCFE 3 (Managing Diversity). This comes with the cheering news that our E+D head honcho is pushing for us to get some (financial) recognition for our extra duties. Yay for us!

I think I'll pass on throwing my weight around on TG forums claiming to know everything about discrimination/human rights though. I've learned enough to know its a very tricky subject, and that it's always a good idea to seek further guidance before stating something as fact!

*=equivalent to a GCSE or NVQ2

Meh

2009-05-06T22:37:00.003+01:00

Still not feeling chatty. But this made me laugh out loud:

It's even funnier if you imagine David Mitchell reading the caption.

...

2009-04-30T19:14:00.002+01:00

Not feeling very chatty right now. Here are some videos:

"Let Love Be Your Energy"

2009-03-21T07:57:00.006Z

I've been in quite a chipper mood recetly (Hi K x), so I thought I'd share the mood by digging out another music video that makes me happy.

Robbie Williams' "Let Love Be Your Energy" is quite an upbeat song, with a nice dip just before the end, followed by a triumphant key change with fanfare at the end. The video, mainly an animated Robbie running, is also quite amusing as he dallies with a number ladies before finding the right one for him.

And those of you in the UK and USA that have seen the video probably chuckled at the very twee ending that is subverted in the last few seconds by an eagle.

If you haven't, you can watch it here. Go watch it before you carry on reading. I'll be right here ;)

Back again? Good wasn't it?

Now imagine my surprise when I found a version labelled "uncensored plus out-takes".

The ending is completely different! Instead of running up the mountain, embracing, and plummeting to a heart shaped spalt, Robbie and his dream girl strip off, and embrace naked to a background of erupting volcanoes (very subtle lads!).

And the out-takes at the end are very funny (and quite painful!) Take a look:

CAUTION! Contains animated dangly bits, and a few rude words!

What d'you think about that?

2009-02-23T20:21:00.007Z

Since everyone on the Trannisphere has gone all Introspective White Emo Ranger I suppose I'd better join into.

Now the evenings are lighter, I've been able to start walking to work again. Which unfortunately gives me lots of time to think. Today I was musing on something Lara blogged about.

On Saturday I went out in the city, and ended up in my local tranny-friendly pub en homme.

The place wasn't very busy, but none of the regulars gave me a second look, and apart from the barstaff, I didn't really interact with anyone apart from the friends I was with (we chatted to the smokers while waiting for a taxi, but that was it).

When I go as Pandora, I banter with the DJ, have a joke to the bar staff, and get random strangers stopping by for a natter.

As I thought about it more, I realised that whenever I've been in regular pubs, people mainly keep to themselves (with a few exceptions). But when I'm Pandora, even in provincial town pubs, people are mostly friendly, and many will come over for a talk. The guys to congratulate me on my "bravery", and the girls to have a gossip and ask where where I got my top or shoes from.

There are generally only a few tossers, and they tend to stay outside in large herds for moral support. Sadly one comment from this lot can undo a whole week of confidence.

Although being Pan makes my confidence soar, and allows me to be more assertive. I really need to dress up and go out more!

So what conclusion can we draw from this? Obviously:

"Trannies make every social gathering better"!

Top Ten Search Keywords (Filler post)

2009-02-16T21:15:00.006Z

Just for a laugh I thought I'd sign up with Google Analytics and see how people visit this blog.

The top ten keywords that have sent people here are:

gsoh - Well it was a recent post title

tranny list - I suppose that's my cliche list

pandora caitiff - that mostly me checking in from other PCs :)

"list of gender stereotypes" - that cliche list again

best disclaimer - LOL. I know what that is

can everyone stop getting shot - Somehow I think they're looking for Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

flickr tranny fakes - More Joanne's crusade than mine

geisha tranny - One entry on one list. I guess there's not many of these online

goth icons - That's a test I did

helicopter to this canadian hideaways - What? How? Who

99 Things

2009-01-31T15:03:00.002Z

I'm bored. And a friend did it...

If you join in, please leave a comment so that I can read yours.
Things you've already done: bold
Things you want to do: italicize
Things you haven't done and don't want to - leave in plain font

1. Started your own blog. Duh!
2. Slept under the stars. In a tent counts right?
3. Played in a band. A marching band no less!
4. Visited Hawaii.
5. Watched a meteor shower.
6. Given more than you can afford to charity.
7. Been to Disneyland/world.
8. Climbed a mountain. Mont Real in Canada
9. Held a praying mantis.
10. Sang a solo. Karaoke
11. Bungee jumped. No. But I have abseiled
12. Visited Paris.
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea.
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch. Making hair falls
15. Adopted a child..
16. Had food poisoning.
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty.
18. Grown your own vegetables.
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France.
20. Slept on an overnight train. Do we have overnight trains in England?
21. Had a pillow fight.
22. Hitch hiked.
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill.
24. Built a snow fort.
25. Held a lamb.
26. Gone skinny dipping.
27. Run a marathon.
28. Ridden a gondola in Venice.
29. Seen a total eclipse.
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset.
31. Hit a home run.
32. Been on a cruise.
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person. American and Canadian falls
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors. Huh?
35. Seen an Amish community. Don't have them in this country
36. Taught yourself a new language. Gave up on Japanese
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied. Its not money stopping me being satisfied...
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person.
39. Gone rock climbing.
40. Seen Michelangelo's David in person.
41. Sung Karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt..
43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant.
44. Visited Africa.
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight.
46. Been transported in an ambulance.
47. Had your portrait painted. Thanks to Helena
48. Gone deep sea fishing.
49. Seen the Sistine chapel in person.
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkelling.
52. Kissed in the rain.
53. Played in the mud.
54. Gone to a drive-in theatre. Dont have them over here
55. Been in a movie. Home movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China.
57. Started a business.
58. Taken a martial arts class. Judo and Kendo
59. Visited Russia.
60. Served at a soup kitchen.
61. Sold Girl Scout cookies. Not being a Girl scout...
62. Gone whale watching.
63. Been given flowers for no reason.
64. Donated blood. Not allowed to. I'm a vCJD risk
65. Gone sky diving.
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp.
67. Bounced a cheque.
68. Flown in a helicopter.
69. Saved a favourite childhood toy.
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial.
71. Eaten Caviar. Ugh
72. Pieced a quilt.
73. Stood in Times Square.
74. Toured the Everglades.
75. Been fired from a job.
76. Seen the Changing of the Guard in London.
77. Broken a bone.
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle.
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person.
80. Published a book.
81. Visited the Vatican.
82. Bought a brand new car.
83. Walked in Jerusalem.
84. Had your picture in the newspaper.
85. Read the entire Bible.
86. Visited the White House.
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating.
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life.
90. Sat on a jury.
91. Met someone famous. Paul Daniels and Mary Gentle
92. Joined a book club.
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby. Not physically possible
95. Seen the Alamo in person.
96. Swum in the Great Salt Lake.
97. Been involved in a law suit.
98. Owned a mobile phone.
99. Been stung by a bee.

Very Americano-centric. Most of the "don't wants" are also "don't cares"

GSOH

2009-01-24T10:59:00.000Z

For my sins I am a member of a dating website. It's not been very helpful in finding my one true love, but it's free, requires no real effort on my part, and has fun quizzes, so I'm not going to complain.

I was quite annoyed when I received a love note from another user that was such blatant spam that it couldn't have been more obvious if it was signed by the exiled Nigerian Finance Minister.

I immediately reported it for the scam it was, and thought no more of it.

When I logged in the other day I checked my inbox and found this message's title had been changed to "A spammy message". Odd, I thought. I'm sure it was something else. So I opened it and found this message from the admins:

There once was a spam in your mail.
We delete all such things without fail.
They just want your money.
We don't think it's funny.
We wish we could send them to jail.

I laughed aloud for several minutes.

One of those review of the year thingys

2009-01-01T15:42:00.000Z

January
Cold wet and boring. Nothing much happened to me

February
Once again my car drains my bank balance, but February marks the first time I visited the Catherine Wheel, and the first time I atempted cybergoth as Pandora at least. I also rediscovered my love of karaoke.

March
Yet more "fun" with my car, a bit of model making and participation in Gillian's Flickr Tranny Day (including some bad 80s fashions!)

April
New hairstyle time! I had five or six inches cut off the end of my hair and started wearing my hair in an off-centre parting with a barrette.

May
A very busy month for me. Several birthday celebrations, including my own (where I revamped my cybergoth outfit), but the big event was going out with the girls on a hen night!

June
After May I needed some time to relax, so again a month with not much going on. Although I did get to see a promotional copy of the sci-fi machinima Clear Skies with one of the voice actors.

July
Also fairly quiet. I saw some live music in my hometown's music festival, and I mused about Tranny Cliches

August
If August was an episode of Friends, it would be called "The one with all the weddings". I went to three separate events and was let down at one, and shocked by sexism at another. I also spent a week housesitting and looking after a cat, which was fun, but reminded me why I don't have pets. It is far too much responsibility.

September
My car let me down again. This time it was the battery finally giving up the ghost. But thanks to supportive and knowledgeable relatives we managed to get the car roadworthy again in time for me to attend another karaoke night at The Wheel with my friends. I also became a god-parent, and had to give a reading in a catholic church.

October
This month I celebrated the end of my first year in my current job (and therefore the one year anniversary of leaving my old hateful job!) I also celebrated Halloween as a voodoo priestess, and did more karaoke.

November
In November I released Kill It With Fire, a little solo dice game. This is my first step on the path as an amateur games designer. I'm currently working on a card game, and I've signed up for an RPG design competition on RPG.net

December
A month for ending and starting. I stated a course in Equality and Diversity for work (quite handy in the Trannisphere too!), and I ended the year with friends once again at The Wheel. Happy New Year girls!

Obviously a lot more than that happened, but that's what I'm willing to share with you lot! I wonder where 2009 will take me?

Blue Rage!

2008-12-13T22:53:00.000Z

Something that annoyed me the last two Christmases, and has now started to annoy me again is blue Christmas lights.

Seems fairly harmless enough. Just one of many colours of lights that people use for the large light displays on the front of their house, right?

WRONG!

There are two real problems with these blue lights, particularly when they are the only colour of light being used.

1) Emergency services
For some reason, these blue lights are the same blue as used by ambulances, police cars and fire engines. And if the house has any sort of obstruction outside streetlamps, trees or telegraph poles) the flicker of blue is just enough to add an extra thing to worry about when driving conditions are bad. Am I speeding? Do my lights work? Will I have to brake/swerve suddenly? etc...

2) My eyes!
The blue they have chosen also hurts my eyes. Its so far along the spectrum its bordering on UV and the frequency of light makes my eyes twitch. Grrr!

So in short, either dump these lights, or mix them with other colours to save my poor nerves and eyeballs!

Parenting fail

2008-12-07T15:39:00.000Z

Disclaimer: this post is nothing to do with Shannon Matthews or Baby P.

I haven't had much to blog about for a while, so I thought I'd better post something to avoid rusting up completely. Here is a little tale about my neighbours, and their wonderful parenting skills.

As I left my home the other day, the couple I live next door to, were having a shouting match in the garden. He was standing in the doorway of their home. She was standing three or four metres away by the gate with their two young children.

Apparently the back story was that he had jokingly told the children that they were to have "wee and poo" for dinner that night. They thought this was hilarious.

She did not and proceeded to scream at him (in their presence), "You cant fucking tell them they're having wee and poo for dinner! They'll fucking repeat that shit at school!"

Awesome!

Kill It With Fire

2008-11-14T23:44:00.001Z

As discussed in Identity Crisis I have been working on a little game design project.

"Kill It With Fire" is the name for my solo pen-and-paper game about maintaining a web presence while trolls try to bring it crashing down around your ears. Although it was mostly an exercise in design, it is actually playable.

The main design theory I was following was "system matters". The mechanics of the game had to be suited to the task at hand, practically as well as thematically. As play-testers have pointed out that the game seems repetitive and, at times, futile, I think I have captured the essence of holding back the mindless tide that is trolldom.

Kill It With Fire puts you in the role of a site-admin. Every day trolls assault your blog, forum, photo site, and even your personal life, but you have limited resources to undo their damage. You win by removing the last troll token on the board (representing . If at any point there are more than ten troll tokens on any one of your responsibilities you lose. Theoretically you could count the turns you survived before losing to compare your progress with others, but playing to a win or lose is usually enough.

You will need two regular six-sided dice and some counters (coins or tiddlywinks or fine) to play. The rules explain everything you need to know

Take a look and see what you think:

Kill it with Fire (File size 131K)

EDIT: File now located at Scribd.com

Braaaaains!

2008-11-02T08:32:00.000Z

So Halloween has been and gone for another year. I hope all the residents of the Trannisphere were able to take advantage of the season fora spot of dressing up. I certainly did. But before I discuss that...

Wasn't Dead Set good?

I had high hopes for the show, as Charlie Brooker is consistently entertaining on Screenwipe. But I also had deap-seated worries, because I hated the Nathan Barley series but found him pant-wettingly funny on the TV Go Home website).

I wasn't disappointed. It was funny, scary, and nicely satirical. There are some issues that pop up in horror that I have problems with (the ending Frank Darrabont's take on The Mist pushed those buttons), but Dead Set ended in a way that made sense, and felt right. Obviously as an optimist I'd have gone for a open-ended Butch and Sundance ending, but that's just personal preference. And it's out on DVD soon for those that missed it.

So, Halloween. I went out Friday night to The Wheel again, for their Halloqueen karaoke party. It was also my friend Hannah's birthday, so any excuse to dress up!

After Chrissy had hijacked my favourite outfit for herself, and Hannah had laid dibs on my goth wig, I decided to go for the old PVC witch look (sadly not as cool as Becky's one from the other year, but good enough). Unfortunately, despite trying it o weeks ago and loving it, I tried it on again Friday morning and had a fashion crisis - it didn't look right and I hated it!

Instead I went for a different witchy look, and dug out my top hat and skull staff. And when I got to Chrissy's to change I found she had a skull pendant and a cool bone bracelet which I horked, and had a last minute change to voodoo priestess. Sadly my pics are a bit blurry, and others were rather unflattering, so unless you scour Facebook, you'll have to imagine!

The night itself was pretty cool, and I met some new friends Amy and Shawnie. Amy hadn't dressed up, but Shawnie made an awesome Priss (from Bladerunner), and we spent the night chatting about all kinds of things.

Which reminds me - sorry if I didn't give you enough of my time Chrissy. You seemed a little distant (I think understand why) and I felt uncomfortable bothering you too much. I hope you get things sorted out.

But overall it was a good night, and I got to sing lots (even though I started choking to death during Love's Unkind)

And finally, the best story of the night:

While we waited for a taxi, we stood outside the pub with the smokers. There were around ten of us, and a couple of us were pretty big people. Plus we were completely blocking access to the pub door, you'd have had to push past, or go completely around to get in.

Which is why we fell about laughing when a muppet in a passing car threw an egg and hit the bottom of the pub door, completely missing everybody! A guy in a vampire costume made the observation that it was probably the throwers vestigial sixth finger causing some top spin that made him miss :)

My new favourite webcomic

2008-10-28T18:26:00.000Z

Thanks to some chatter on a forum I have discovered Shaenon K. Garrity and Jeffrey Channing Wells's Skin Horse.

Its got a sci-fi theme, but is set in the sort-of present, and is about a team working for the government dealing with problems caused by genetically altered sentients.

The main team consist of a sentient swarm of bees, a rehabilitated Victorian criminal robot, an intelligent talking dog, and a zombie with love of large calibre guns and mayhem. But it's Tip, the new member and token human, that sold me on the strip.

Tip is a psychologist and a crossdresser. He's also got bags of confidence and is a hit with the ladies. Which makes a nice change.

Check out this recent strip after he seduces a Black Ops scientist (Click on the strip to embiggen):

I spent last night reading the archives. Its funny, clever, and sympathetic to nearly all the characters (even the opera-loving mutant silverfish in the basement!) Its so nice to see a positive portrayal of a tranny online too. Especially when its not the central theme of the comic, just a character detail.

The archives start here

Identity crisis

2008-10-18T22:41:00.000+01:00

We denizens of the Trannisphere spend a lot of time keeping our public and private personae separate. However I have found a problem with keeping Pandora and "Bob" compartmentalised online - my ego.

I've just written a little solitaire game. The kind that uses dice and tokens. It has a vague tranny connection.

The problem is who do I assign the writing credit to?

Assign it to Pandora

Pros

No worries with outing myself
Can distribute it via the Trannisphere

Cons

Can't discuss the game in the gaming forums as I'm registered as "Bob"
Don't get to add it to my portfolio of work

Assign it to "Bob"

Pros

Can discuss the game on gaming forums
Adds to my portfolio of work

Cons

Tranny connection may raise questions
Can't put it on this blog

I suppose I could co-credit it, but that may lead to an inadvertent outing. And besides it just seems weird.

Any suggestions?

"The nuts are complimentary"

2008-10-04T13:21:00.000+01:00

Following on from my post on compliments (was it really as long ago as April? Eeek!) I'm going to postulate a theory:

If you want compliments (particularly as a tranny) find a group of really nice people, and get them drunk.

Last night I went out to my local gay-friendly venue for its karaoke night, and got one of the best compliments I have ever received, from a friend who had had quite a bit to drink.

My best friend Chrissy and her mates turned up half way through the evening, and Chrissy said that her brother and his new girlfriend were on their way too. I recently met her brother and we got on really well, so he was looking forward to meeting up again, and was interested to meet me as Pandora. I was also looking forward to meeting his girlfriend who was apparently "loud, American and a cosplayer".

When he finally arrived, Chrissy introduced him to me and all her other friends. Ever the gent, her brother kissed all the ladies present on the cheek and said hi. I was quite flattered that he was "playing along" and included me in with the ladies. Until he came back from the bar, shook my hand and said "We've actually met before haven't we?" :D

Later in the evening his girlfriend (who was exactly as described, but quite lovely) told me that while they were at the bar after doing introductions, he'd said that he was quite disappointed I wasn't there yet, and didn't know any of the girls he'd been introduced to!

Like I said earlier, he was rather tipsy by that point in the evening, but it still made me feel really good about myself.

(The title is from this joke if you were wondering)

Best disclaimer ever...

2008-09-26T18:34:00.000+01:00

From The Extraordinary Adventures of Baron Munchausen (Hogshead Publishing 1998):

Disclaimer: The words "he", "him" and "his" are used throughout this book as generic third-person singular pronouns. With this usage the author, a man of great gallantry, does not wish to imply that members of the fairer sex are any less likely to have astonishing adventures than their male counterparts despite their frailty, lack of education and great aptitude for giggling and fainting. He does not assume that flouncy crinolines and a décolletage like alabaster might make then any less able to engage in espionage against the French while disguised as a haddock, or that their extensive skills in needlepoint and household management would be anything but an asset when seducing the Empress of Russia. In short, he believes that in many ways women are just as brave, capable and interesting as men, and in occasional circumstances more so. Bless their little hearts.

(Quoted under fair usage as a review)

With a disclaimer like that how can you not want to read more? Heartily recommended as a rather interesting parlour game, and a damn enjoyable read.

Number 1: The KLF

2008-08-26T15:35:00.000+01:00

I've been a bit negative recently, so this is number 1 in an occasional series of things that make me happy.

What Time Is Love America

Playing guitars, in armour, in a storm, on a viking longboat, the Justified Ancients of Mu Mu remind us what time love is:

Justified and Ancient

They're justified, ancient, ride an icecream van (make mine a 99 please), and persuaded Tammy Wynette to get involved in their silliness. I like to sing this one at my local karaoke haunt.

Doctorin' the Tardis

An early appearance under the name "The Timelords". This was my first exposure to Drummond and Cauty. An odd blend of The Glitter Band and the old Who theme.

More info on the KLF here

Why I hate weddings

2008-08-16T15:40:00.000+01:00

I had a long post planned, but it boils down to this:

A reading was given at the wedding I attended today about how the Bible sees marriage. Apparently the main thing it has to say (according to this reading) is that if there is an argument between husband and wife, and they cannot reach an agreement, then the wife must submit to her husband.

As an Equality and Diversity Adviser I was appalled. But it was my friends wedding, and I had to bite my tongue and seethe.

Aside: As a grumpy singleton who keeps getting wedding invites, I'm considering buying a ruined wedding dress and some toy spiders so I can attend as Miss Havisham

Bitchy rant

2008-08-04T10:28:00.000+01:00

Well it turns out my ex isn't a useless cow, she's actually a lying bitch.

She was the one wanting to get back with me, but her track record of unreliability has been a major barrier.

I decided to give her a second chance and invited her to join me at a friends wedding. She was very excited.

And then, mere days before, she cancelled saying she had to work at short notice.

For most people this would be unfortunate but believable, but given her history, I was less than charitable and ignored her texts.

Sounds harsh maybe, but saying nothing was better than saying what was on my mind...

And then this morning I check Facebook, and see pictures of her out drinking with her mates on the night she was apparently working.

And people wonder why I am always so bitter and cynical...

Little Fluffy Clouds

2008-07-22T21:50:00.000+01:00

Stephanie has introduced me to a cool new online toy! Wordle is a nifty little application that makes a word cloud of a bunch of text, or a website, or blog etc.

And for those not in the know, that's a visual display of the most common words sized by occurrence.

Pandora's Hideaway looks something like this:

(Click for bigger)

The key words seem to be "funny", "updates", "pictures". "Outfit", "genre" and "tranny" are quite popular too!

The (un)Official List of Tranny Cliches

2008-07-01T17:56:00.000+01:00

Inspired by some chat over on Rachel's blog, I thought I'd have a go at compiling a list myself.

So lets have a think (and feel fee to suggest more)

Maid/Waitress
Nurse
Schoolgirl
Secretary/Businesswoman
Bride
Tart/streetwalker
Policewoman
Dominatrix
Can-can/Moulin Rouge dancer
Wonder Woman (or other super heroine)
Air Hostess*
Geisha
Lingerie
Any outfit showing stocking tops
Any outfit showing cleavage
Any outfit involving a greyhound skirt

I've done eight out of fifteen, which isn't bad..

For fun here's some general photography tranny cliches. And I'm not suggesting any of these are bad, just recurring themes in the community.

MySpace angle
Hotel room (bonus points for including the door, or being at a Travelodge)
Picture including a radiator
Picture with a fellow tranny
Posed on the stairs/landing*
Posed at home, extremely cropped picture*
Posed at home with background blurred or removed**
Posed at home with curtains closed and lights off*
All full-length shots*
Photo taken looking down at shoes*
Photo taken in the mirror
Blurry nightclub picture
Dressing service picture
Cartoon avatar (Simpsons, Zwinky, Meez etc)
Photo of clothes
Photo of make up containers
Photo of hotel room swamped in clothes and accessories

And finally, the tranny no-nos

Claiming a picture of a real girl as yourself
Claiming a picture of another T-Girl as yourself
Full-length photo with face blurred/obscured
Photoshopping your head on another body
As above and adding a fake teardrop tattoo
Photoshoping yourself into another location/background*
Having a favourites list of T-Girl lingerie shots with no pictures of your own
As above and not having a avatar :|
Only having photographs featuring your genitals poking out of underwear
Commenting a real girl's ability to pass as female***
Presuming everyone on Flickr is a tranny*

So what have I missed?

*= Thanks Steph
**= Thanks Lynn
***= Thanks Lucy

Webcomic round-up

2008-06-25T21:08:00.000+01:00

Thanks to hayfever, I don’t have much to write about at the moment. I’m sure you don’t want to know about our new photocopier at work, so I’m going to comment on the webcomics I’m reading at the moment.

XKCD - A webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math, and language.
OK, so I think all my readers are fans, but in case you are not, you really need to check out this funny, clever and sweet webcomic featuring the most expressive stickmen you ever saw. Updates Monday, Wednesday, Friday

Questionable Content - The life and loves of slackers
QC used to be a comic about a loser and his robot friend, but when Martin met Dora it spun off into an ensemble comic about their non-relationship and all the people they interact with. My favourite character is Hannalore – Martin’s OCD clean-freak neighbour. She’s such a sweetie. Updates weekdays.

Order of the Stick - Genre-aware fantasy adventurers
If you’ve ever played Dungeons and Dragons then Order of the Stick (OOTS) is for you. It follows the fortune of a group of adventurers in a fantasy world. But these guys know the tropes and clichés of the genre, and are quite prepared to exploit this knowledge. Art is simple, but the script is funny. Updates three days a week without warning.

Darth and Droids - From the creators of Irregular Webcomic.
What if Star Wars Episode One wasn’t a film, but was instead being made up as they went along, by a group of sci-fi gamers? Similar in concept to DM of the Rings, this affectionately mocks Lucas’s folly.

Goblins - More genre savvy
Goblins follows a group of genre aware goblins with funny names as they set out on a quest to become adventurers, level-up, and become powerful enough to defend their village. Despite its silly premise, this can be quite deep and emotional without warning, but it is better for it. My favourite character is “Complains of Names”. Supposed to update every Thursday, but tends to slip a fair bit.

A Softer World - A little disturbing...
Very funny, but often very dark, A Softer World makes strips out of captioned photos. Always odd, often harsh, always clever. Also check out the authors project Overqualified - a collection of gonzo application letters.

Something Positive - and Super Stupor, Rhymes with Witch, Midnight Macabre, etc
More harshness (see the first ever comic if you don’t believe me) but also a compelling soap opera about a group of friends. The cast has swelled since the start, but there's always something interesting going on. And usually a rather snide punchline. Updates erratically.

The Book of Biff - The man with big eyebrows
Biff lives in a strange surreal world. Everyday his one panel comic has him learning something important about life.

"Thirty Million Isk!"

2008-06-09T21:16:00.000+01:00

Its plug time :-)

If you like your sci-fi to be low on explosions and high on witty dialogue, I might have the film for you!

"Clear Skies" is a labour of love. Ian Chisholm, aka Captain John Rourke, spent two years playing around with EVE Online and Half Life 2, and with the help of a few friends made this landmark film.

You don't need to be a fan of either game to enjoy this either (although there are jokes for those in the know). The plot is a basic sci-fi staple - a simple job that looks too good to be true - but its the characters that make it. We have a well spoken villain, a bickering crew, and a few contacts with mysterious backstories that hint at a bigger picture. OK and it does have some explosions as well.

Its not perfect - some of the dialogue is lost under sound effects, the cast are hardly professionals, and its only 40 minutes long - but its gone down really well in the fan community as it marks a radical departure from the usual EVE Online video of ship combat set to a rock soundtrack.

Don't take my word for it. See for yourself

Download the movie (450mb)

Download the trailer (26mb)

Read the epic thread at The EVE Insider

The EVE Insider thread also has links to the script and the out-takes.

Meme time

2008-05-17T22:50:00.000+01:00

I got tagged by Lynn Jones on this one:

The requirements are as follows:
1. Pick up the nearest book.
2. Open to page 123.
3. Locate the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences on your blog and in so doing…
5. Tag five people, and acknowledge who tagged you.

Setting up a narrow range of choices, then, should always be a part of your deceptions. The following are among the most common forms of “controlling the options: Colour the choices. This was a favourite technique of Henry Kissinger

-The Concise 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene

I'm going to tag:
Richard
Sanji
Charlee
Lara
and Rachel

Hen night fun

2008-05-11T21:13:00.000+01:00

On Saturday I went out on a hen night with some friends. We had a blast.

We met up at a rather nice pub with a beer garden and had a few drinks waiting for the hen to arrive. I thought it was the wedding she was supposed to be late for!

When she got there we went to town on her outfit: flashing tiara, veil, sash with flashing LEDs, L-plates, a big badge saying “Warning – Hen night in the area.” I also had a chuckle when some guys sat down at the next table and said “Uh-oh, hen night. Are we safe over here?” Apart from a couple of double takes, nobody gave me any hassle either. Even the staff seemed unfazed.

After a pitcher of something blue containing vodka, and getting to grips with our rude straws, we each had to pick a dare card. If we hadn’t performed the dare by the end of the evening, and well enough for the others to guess it, there would be a forfeit to pay! One of the girls asked what the forfeit was (smart girl – weighing up which was worse, her dare or the forfeit), but Chrissie had anticipated this. She said that the forfeit was a secret, but would be messy!

Sadly no-one ended up having to do a forfeit, so I don’t know what it would have been. Although my gut instinct is that it was just a way of getting everyone to join in, rather than an actual threat. I must ask her later what she had in mind…

When we finished our drinks we decided to move on. This took at least ten minutes as lots of bars have changed their names, or closed, and no-one had a strong opinion. I didn’t have a clue, I don’t often go drinking in the city, and I often stick to one or two places which are miles from where we were.

Walking through the city I regretted wearing heels, as despite Norfolk having a reputation for flatness, there are a lot of hills in Norwich and some are cobbled!

Aside: I’m not sure if any tranny-friendly shoe companies do flats. They seem to think all trannies want ridiculous stilettos!

After changing our mind several times we ended up in the Prince of Wales (that’s at the safer end of the descent into hell that is Prince of Wales Road). Still a bit quiet, but the Hen’s sister and friend were getting over their initial shock at my presence, and were nearly through all the silly remarks they had. More drinks again, then next door to Chicago’s. I’ve only been there once before, but I remembered it as pretty cool. Two levels with a balcony overlooking the dance floor.

Sadly health and safety has filled in the void over the original dance-floor to make a new one, but there was a beer garden – which pleased the smokers no end.

Unfortunately there was a bunch of scummy slappers who insisted on making snide remarks – not just about me, but the whole group (as we are all larger ladies). These trollops may have had slimmer bodies, but they looked like they were guests on the Jeremy Kyle show, and had personalities to match. There was an uncomfortable few minutes as the bruisers in each group sized each other up, but common sense prevailed and they moved elsewhere in the club and left us to enjoy our free champagne (another bonus of the hen night!)

Then came the next dilemma of the evening –which toilet to use? In the Prince I used the gents. It was still pretty light outside, and the place had more staff than patrons, so I played it safe, and prepared to explain my outfit as “fancy dress” if there were any problems, but it went without a hitch. In Chicago’s I was more nervous, but with an escort I braved the ladies and had no problems all night with “powdering my nose”.

Apart from the dance-floor and garden, Chicago’s also had some nice long booths with a big table and U-shaped leather benches, and we drank our drinks watching all the other hen parties come and go. There were at least four other groups and I was incredibly jealous of the hen in the ruffled white satin mini-dress.

Music was a bit naff though – far too much R n’B – although we got just enough classic pop for the hen to do her dare: down a shot every time the word “love” got sung.

By this time we were anxious to boogie, and had another debate on where to go. Eventually Liquid won, as one of the girls knew a doorman who could get us in free. We had some worries as one of the other girls was under 21 and had no ID, but it wasn’t a problem in the end. We got our drinks – and I did my dare to down my Malibu and coke in one – and headed for the dance floor.

For more grotty R n’B.

Another aside: I can’t understand the popularity of R n’B (“Urban” artists like 50 Cent and Nelly not classic Rhythm and Blues) in night clubs. It’s not easy to dance too, its not very sexy, and its tricky to sing along, especially if it’s a remix. I personally think the majority of people at the meat-market clubs would dance to anything if it gave them a chance to pull. Personally I prefer some good quality cheese if I want to dance (disco, 80s pop, 90s dance, current girly stuff like Girls Aloud etc).

But we had fun anyway. We got flirted with by a stag party; I got groped by a piss-head who got the message when I peeled his fingers off my hip; and the last girl to do her dare completed it by pinching a man’s bum.

The grown-ups in the group (me and Chrissie) were getting a bit tired now, and a lot hungry, so we called it a night and left the young-uns to dance. We stopped at the kebab shop, and then waited at the SOS bus for a taxi.

One last aside: The SOS bus is a fantastic idea. It’s a bendy-bus that parks a short distance from the clubs that is staffed by first-aiders to provide facilities for clubbers who are the worse for wear, but don’t need an ambulance. Somewhere to sit down and regain your composure, have a glass of water, get some relative peace and quiet, and just see a friendly face can do wonders. If you ever see them fundraising for it, dig deep!

As well as laughing at the antics of the drunks at the cash-point trying to act sober I also got to have my picture taken in the hen’s regalia (picture here). It’s not quite the same as the tranny-classic of the blushing bride, but a bride-to-be was good enough for me!

In the morning I had breakfast with the organiser who had quite an exasperated rant about the amount of stupid/ignorant/needlessly-rude people she witnessed making comments about me behind my back. She is very much of the opinion that people are allowed to be surprised, shocked or even amused by a bloke-in-a-dress, but there’s no call for snarky remarks (and that’s why I love you babe, mwah! xxx). A lot of people are already polite enough to keep their uninformed opinions to themselves, we just need the rest to follow suit now!

106 Books

2008-05-09T17:45:00.000+01:00

Yeah, everyone's doing it.

Bold = I’ve read
Italic = Gave up on

* Anna Karenina
* Crime and Punishment
* Catch-22
* One Hundred Years of Solitude
* Wuthering Heights
* The Silmarillion
* Life of Pi : a novel
* The Name of the Rose
* Don Quixote
* Moby Dick
* Ulysses
* Madame Bovary
* The Odyssey
* Pride and Prejudice
* Jane Eyre
* The Tale of Two Cities
* The Brothers Karamazov
* Guns, Germs, and Steel: the fates of human societies
* War and Peace
* Vanity Fair
* The Time Traveler’s Wife
* The Iliad
* Emma
* The Blind Assassin
* The Kite Runner
* Mrs. Dalloway
* Great Expectations
* American Gods
* A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
* Atlas Shrugged
* Reading Lolita in Tehran : a memoir in books
* Memoirs of a Geisha
* Middlesex
* Quicksilver
* Wicked : the life and times of the wicked witch of the West
* The Canterbury tales
* The Historian : a novel
* A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
* Love in the Time of Cholera
* Brave New world
* The Fountainhead
* Foucault’s Pendulum
* Middlemarch
* Frankenstein
* The Count of Monte Cristo
* Dracula
* A Clockwork Orange
* Anansi Boys
* The Once and Future King
* The Grapes of Wrath
* The Poisonwood Bible : a novel
* 1984
* Angels & Demons
* The Inferno
* The Satanic Verses
* Sense and Sensibility
* The Picture of Dorian Gray
* Mansfield Park
* One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
* To the Lighthouse
* Tess of the D’Urbervilles
* Oliver Twist
* Gulliver’s Travels
* Les Misérables
* The Corrections
* The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay
* The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
* Dune
* The Prince
* The Sound and the Fury
* Angela’s Ashes : a memoir
* The God of Small Things
* A People’s History of the United States : 1492-present
* Cryptonomicon
* Neverwhere
* A Confederacy of Dunces
* A Short History of Nearly Everything
* Dubliners
* The Unbearable Lightness of Being
* Beloved
* Slaughterhouse-five
* The Scarlet Letter
* Eats, Shoots & Leaves
* The Mists of Avalon
* Oryx and Crake : a novel
* Collapse : how societies choose to fail or succeed
* The Confusion
* Lolita
* Persuasion
* Northanger Abbey
* The Catcher in the Rye
* On the Road
* The Hunchback of Notre Dame
* Freakonomics : a rogue economist explores the hidden side of everything
* Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance : an inquiry into values
* The Aeneid
* Watership Down
* Gravity’s Rainbow
* The Hobbit
* In Cold Blood : a true account of a multiple murder and its consequences
* White Teeth
* Treasure Island
* David Copperfield
* The Three Musketeers

Compliments

2008-04-19T16:07:00.000+01:00

I tend to collect good advice, and spread it around when I can (although whether I listen to my own advice is debatable).

One such piece of advice is "Remember the compliments and forget the insults." Its a good one. Any time you are feeling down, or have been insulted it helps to remember that someone said you were funny, or pretty, or a good dancer.

I managed to get high praise indeed a few weeks ago (see Pandora 2.0. But another compliment, and ego-boost, has come out of that evening. One of the birthday girl's close friends is getting married in a few weeks time, and after meeting me as Pandora for the first time, has invited me to her hen night!

Fortunately its not going to be Ann Summers and strippers, but there will be drinking and dancing, and she might end the night handcuffed to a blow up doll ;-)

I've still got some time to think about it, consider the logistics, and make a definite decision, but I'm really looking forward to it. So much so, I've bought a new top and changed my hairstyle (pics to follow... maybe)

"... I can sleep all day."

2008-04-06T15:40:00.001+01:00

Internet meme doing the rounds:

Powered By limobus

Smart casual

2008-03-29T00:59:00.001Z

Here you go, my contribution to Gillian's Flickr Tranny Day

This is the outfit I considered wearing for Transpocalypse 2007, but decided not to, as it was a bit flashy for a restaurant.

Check out my Flickr Stream for a few more photos, including my retro Eighties look. (Lopsided ponytail and white stilettos!)

Trans-thusiam

2008-03-24T17:30:00.000Z

Gillian has declared on her blog that due to the trans-apathy around, she is committing to posting a picture of herself in girls clothes on Flickr.

Inspired by Gillian's enthusiasm I have taken this pledge too, and today took my pictures. They will be posted on Flickr on Saturday 29th March 2008.

Don't worry, I'll do a blog entry to remind you!

Galactica

2008-03-16T21:31:00.001Z

Fighter launch, originally uploaded by PandoraCaitiff.

I've recently finished watching the second season of Batlestar Galactica on DVD. As well as making me sad, angry, jubilant and excited all at the same time, it also rekindled my interest in space battles.

As a result I dug out some cardboard space craft I had made a long time ago for Ground Zero Games' "Full Thrust" game. They were a bit ratty, and had crudely made stands, so I gave them a touch up with paint, gave them a light wash of black paint to show "battle damage", and then a white drybrush to highlight the edges.

Once I'd done that, I noticed that the fleet was a bit lacking in smaller support craft so sat down and designed, assembled and painted some more based on the same stylistic principles as the existing ships.

Finally I just had to create a few civilian ships and two Cylon-esque carriers for enemies.

My plan is to referee a game at my local club where the not-Cylons ambush a small fleet and have to cause as much damage as possible before the FTL drives come online and allow the fleet to jump away.

For more pictures, see my Flickr set "Gaming"

"I'm glad it had a happy ending..."

2008-03-15T00:52:00.000Z

Remember last summer I had a little hoo-hah with V, the proprietor of Rasputin's nightclub?

(Don't worry if you don't, Although I'm not going to link to it and open old wounds)

I went into the club last night for the first time in several months. And late in the evening V called me aside for a little chat. It seems that while Googling her club's name she found my post, and the responses. And was none too thrilled.

Which actually has led to something good.

With the benefit of hindsight, and several months of cool down, we have now made our peace; and the ladies loo is available to me as long as I ask.

Job's a good-'un.

New picture

2008-03-03T21:58:00.000Z

Thanks to my friend Chrissy B I now have a better picture of my outfit.

I'm much happier with that picture. Its clearer, and you can see the whole outfit.

Anyone interested in making their own falls should check out the advice at MookyChick, a fantastic website for all us babes with attitude.

Pandora 2.0

2008-02-23T21:23:00.000Z

I finally got a chance to wear my new hair extensions at my mate's goth-themed birthday bash.

We went out in Norwich yesterday and had a bloody good time.

I was wearing this:

Quite a lot of black PVC; black and blue acrylic hair extensions and the obligatory cyber-goth goggles. I also had spider-web pattern fingerless gloves, but hadn't put them on yet when the picture was taken. Sadly the black PVC knee-high boots aren't fully visible in the pic, which given the pain my toes were in by the end of the night is an absolute crime. But at least the hair went down very well.

In the first pub of the night it was the icebreaker that led me to have a really cool chat with a couple of girls doing the chola look. And when we got to The Catherine Wheel everybody wanted to have a closer look or a feel.

What really made my night though, were the compliments.

The birthday girl joked that she wasn't going out as she couldn't compete, and later in the evening her best friend told me that she was really concerned when she heard what I was wearing, but having seen it she was impressed.

Being told you are "pretty" by young ladies is also an ego boost (even if they were drunk and more flattering than honest!)

I also got two commissions to make more hair extensions.

Poisoned!

2008-02-13T17:22:00.000Z

As a young sprog I enjoyed video games and spent many a happy hour feeding the machines with 10ps to shoot aliens, drive cars, and pick fights.

One of my favourite games was Final Fight, a side scrolling beat-em-up, and of the classics.

As part of my early development I was attracted to the characters of Poison and Roxy - two trollops who kicked arse in hotpants, crop tops and leather biker's caps. Sexy, tarty and badass, a winning combination to a young'un starting puberty.

It was only today that I found out that both are trannies!

A Capcom executive was unhappy seeing women getting beaten up, so the developers made them pre-op TS. When the game went to America they just replaced both characters with two male thugs, but the girls have appeared in other games since

"Let's set the record straight: In North America, Poison is officially a post-op transsexual. But in Japan, she simply tucks her business away to look female."
-Yoshinori Ono

Read more on the strange tale at Wikipedia

And then up comes Zafo

2008-01-27T15:47:00.000Z

And I'm like, "Yo, Zafo. What's up?"
And he's like, "Nothin'"
And I'm like, "That's cool."

My blog's been a bit silent this last month. The main reason is because I haven't been doing much of note. I've been spending far too much time playing Travian, and Dope Wars.

I might be getting some Pandora-time next month when my friend hosts a goth-party. Some of the attendees will be ex-workmates. Some are friends, some are "people I know". It'll be the first time any of them have met Pandora and since I don't have to see them regularly any more I'm not worried if any are less than supportive. Should e fun though. And pictures will appear on my Flickr is I get any good ones.

In other news, I'm still tabletop gaming and we're still having fun with SLA Industries. We've now got an agent and our first sponsors (Flying Jelly Attack Confectionery and Track Optics). My character, Horse the 313 stormer, and the other stormer in the group (Mojo, a 714) are also desperately trying to get their agent to blag tickets to the première of Johnny SLA: The Movie (a propaganda cartoon series they are worryingly obsessed with!) Its very refreshing to play a character who believes every bit of propaganda and spin he is fed. Horse and Mojo get a lot of laughs by playing it completely straight-faced!

And finally; the Lock and Load Battle of the Bands has been postponed until summer. So no regular gigs for a while then. Bum!

-----

Virtual cookie for the first person to correctly identify the opening quote

2007 Retrospectacle

2007-12-24T13:14:00.000Z

Last year I posted the following aims:

Be more assertive
Get more Pandora-time
Get a better job
See more of my friends (especially ex-workmates)
See more of a certain young lady

So how did I do?

Assertiveness? Well, I’ve started saying “no” to things that I really don’t want to do, instead of suffering in silence. I still could do some work on the whole confidence side though. A work in progress.

Pandora-time? Four outings in 2007. Not great, but not bad either. And I managed to tranny outside of the county borders. That was a first!

Better job? Oh yes. Very much so.

See more of friends? Not as great as I hoped, but those tat have MSN/Facebook get contacted regularly.

Certain young lady? We split up in summer. These things happen.

But what of the rest of the year?

Transpocalypse 2was a lot of fun, and I finally got to meet some fellow bloggers in the flesh.

Battle of the Bands continues to be the best place for music on the East coast. I got to meet my newest favourite unsigned band – Punch the Vicar - and got to wear my saloon girl fancy dress to the final. We also had the Town Centre Music Festival 2, which was great fun too.

Sadly my last remaining grandparent passed away in May (and the funeral was on my birthday :( ) but at least she didn’t suffer, and it was nice to see all the family together even for just a few hours.

July wasn’t much fun either, with me learning the hard way that Trans-hatred can be found in unlikely places. This event severely coloured my attitudes and actions regarding trannying.

Fortunately it didn’t stop me trannying at the Waterfront in September and appearing on Outline’s website 

Socially I managed to gain a new gaming group, and discover all sorts of interesting new games like Fading Suns, Serenity, and SLA Industries.

And lastly, I got sucked into Facebook.

So what will 2008 hold?

No aims this year, lets just see what happens.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all my readers!

Attention span of a gnat

2007-12-13T22:29:00.000Z

Its not new, but I've been thinking about this for a while.

Whilst channel flicking I happened to catch Russell Brand's Ponderland. Everyone's always raving about Russell, so I thought I'd give it a look.

I don't know about his other work, but Ponderland tonight consisted solely of clips from old television programmes interspersed by comedy. Well, I say "comedy", but it just seemed to be variations of "Look! Didn't people say/do funny things in the old days? Isn't that hilarious in and of itself".

He's not the only culprit. I've seen a number of clip shows where old fashioned clothes/mannerisms/attitudes are pointed at and laughed at. No actual jokes. Just laughing at how things were different.

I suppose if you have no concept of history, just seeing something different to what is popular today, is a source of never-ending hilarity. But anybody with a shred of historical knowledge, or even just somebody who was there, will just think, "Yes. That's what it was like. Do you actually have a point to make?"

I don't mind playful pastiche. I don't mind jokes at the expense of the past. Even cruel satire at the expense of old-fashioned attitudes can be funny if handled right. But just pointing at something old, and laughing because it is different, just shows how ignorant you are.

On the other hand, all these "isn't the past funny" shows will make excellent material for future shows...

"Look at this clip of a 21st century presenter mocking the past. Aren't his clothes funny? And listen to his dated catchphrases. Hilarious!"

Does Pandora need a Facebook profile?

2007-11-25T15:43:00.000Z

I've been on Facebook for a while now, and every time one of Pandora's friends gets a profile, I have to think long and hard about whether to add her as a friend.

I didn't have this problem with MySpazz as my male persona isn't under my real name. So I wasn't worried about people making the connection between the two "me"s. And anyway, on MySpazz people have hundreds of friends and its not such an issue.

But with Facebook, I'm listed under my actual given name. And I have work colleagues (who know nothing of Pandora) as friends.

I added Becky and Jane and thought nothing of it. But now I've noticed a sizeable chunk of the Trannisphere are on FB too, and I want to add them. But I'm wary of having too many T*folk in my friend list. And also I'll have to explain who I am to as most don't know the day-to-day me.

So the question is... Does Pandora merit her own Facebook profile?
It would allow me to add all those fun (but a bit girly) applications I've steered clear of.

But then, do I add myself as one of her friends? Am I setting myself up for problems? I'm wary of weaving a web that will hoist me by my own petard (if you excuse the mangled clichés). Especially If I'm not careful selecting a photo

Of those of you that have done it, are there any things you you've discovered? Or would recommend?

Life's OK actually

2007-11-24T15:48:00.000Z

Apart from filler, I haven't posted much recently. That's because things are going OK. Not fantastic, but not bad either.

My new job is pretty sweet. I'm gaming twice a week. And I've got a bunch of good mates who I can chat to online, even if I can't always meet up IRL.

The only thing lacking right now, is a special young lady, and Pandora-time. Neither are major issues right now though, although both would be nice.

So as I have nothing much to write right now, I'll leave you with a YouTube video. Sir Mix-a-lot's Baby Got Back. In the style of Gilbert and Sullivan!

Free rice for the hungry

2007-11-11T21:35:00.001Z

Think you're smart? Literate? Well-read?

Take the free rice challenge. Identify the meaning of the words provided and, thanks to sponsorship, rice gets distributed by the UN World Food Programme.

I've manage to get a vocabularly level of 45. Can you get to level 50?

You can also download an interesting game at Food-force.com that allows you to take the role of the UN World Food Programme representatives in a warzone. Find refugees, negotiate resources, balance a diet and deliver aid by air and land.

New job

2007-11-08T22:37:00.000Z

I’ve been a bit busy to blog recently what with the new job and all...

The new place is nice. It’s a bit sparse on staff, but then going from a 300-person branch of a national organisation to a 20-person two-location outfit was bound to be a change. There was a small drop in salary, but my yearly travel distance has dropped by 11,000 miles, so I think I win overall.

It’s also very relaxed. It gets a little tense when the phone rings, while I’m helping a drop in, trying to file, and updating the computer; but mostly its quiet. And often I’m left on my own with web access, and no “net nanny” (but I wont be blogging there till I know its safe).

There’s also a couple of cuties, but again, we’ll wait and see what they’re actually like (and if they’re married) before getting my hopes up.

The only downside, being a training facility, is the hordes of (mostly) jailbait young ladies coming in and out. I’m going to play it safe and presume they are all underage. And besides its bad form to flirt with the students :)

I think I might like it here.

When I get the hang of the computer system...

This is parody!

2007-10-26T18:41:00.000+01:00

Frank Miller's 300 has been the source for some very funny parodies. This one made me laugh lots. Thanks to Sanji for bringing it to my attention.

Colour Quiz

2007-10-19T19:02:00.000+01:00

I'm not sure if it's incredibly insightful, or just vague and airy like horoscopes. Blame Steg Beetle for drawing my attention to this quiz :)

My results:

Your Existing Situation
Acts in an orderly, methodical, and self-contained manner. Needs the sympathetic understanding of someone who will give her recognition and approval.

Your Stress Sources
Feels that life has far more to offer and that it is imperative that she should find the responsive and understanding relationship she is seeking; she therefore follows up any opportunity which presents itself. However, she maintains her attitude of critical appraisal and refuses to be swept off her feet unless genuineness and integrity can be absolutely vouched for. Therefore keeps a strict and watchful control on her emotional relationships as she must know exactly where she stands. Demands complete sincerity as a protection against her own tendency to be too trusting.

Your Restrained Characteristics
Egocentric and therefore quick to take offense. Able to obtain physical satisfaction from sexual activity but tends to hold aloof emotionally.
Circumstances force her to compromise and to forgo some pleasures for the time being. Capable of achieving physical satisfaction through sexual activity.

Your Desired Objective
Her need to feel more causative and to have a wider sphere of influence makes her restless and she is driven by her desires and hopes. May try to spread her activities over too wide a field.

Your Actual Problem
The fear that she may be prevented from achieving the things she wants leads her into a relentless search for satisfaction in the pursuit of illusory or meaningless activities.

Your Actual Problem #2
Intensely critical of the existing conditions which she feels are disorganized or insufficiently clear-cut. Is therefore seeking some solution which will clarify the situation and introduce a more acceptable degree of order and method.

Small print

2007-10-19T17:04:00.000+01:00

Best Terms of Service ever:

READ CAREFULLY. By reading this blog you agree, on behalf of your employer, to release me from all obligations and waivers arising from any and all NON-NEGOTIATED agreements, licenses, terms-of-service, shrinkwrap, clickwrap, browsewrap, confidentiality, non-disclosure, non-compete and acceptable use policies (”BOGUS AGREEMENTS”) that I have entered into with your employer, its partners, licensors, agents and assigns, in perpetuity, without prejudice to my ongoing rights and privileges. You further represent that you have the authority to release me from any BOGUS AGREEMENTS on behalf of your employer.

I'm free

2007-10-10T17:01:00.000+01:00

Yep. That's it. Old job ended.

I'm free!

New one starts in 14 days

Free Burma!

2007-10-04T08:43:00.000+01:00

Get involved

Petition to the UN Security Council for action

Which LOLcat are you?

2007-09-19T17:17:00.000+01:00

You are Lion Warning Cat

68% Affectionate, 62% Excitable, 44% Hungry

You are the good Samaritan of the lolcat world. Protecting others from danger by shouting observations and guidance in cases of imminent threat, you believe in the well-being of everyone.

To see all possible results, checka dis.

The Which Lolcat Are You? Test written by GumOtaku on Ok Cupid

I'm quite pleased with that.

Bear

2007-09-06T17:09:00.001+01:00

I put a lot of stock in material possessions, but this is one of the few things I own, that I actually love.

Over thirty years ago this little bear was presented to me by my uncle Bob. He wasn't actually my uncle, he was dad's best-man at his wedding, but all family friends were aunty-this or uncle-that.

The bear was saved from a fire in a warehouse which contained toys. The building was lost, but Uncle Bob rescued two very singed black lumps of fur from the pile of rubbish left by the fire brigade.

One went to my 'cousin' Angela and one went to me.

Except I didn't really see him for a week or two. He spent the whole of this time being washed, aired, and re-washed as he stunk of the deeply ingrained soot from the fire. But eventually I got him.

He's been repaired many times, and now his fur is balding, and his stuffing is rotten, and his eyes are dull. But he still weathers on.

He has no name. He was never given one, and he never needed one. He was always My Bear.

And I love him today as I loved him then.

Law of eights?

2007-08-24T22:17:00.000+01:00

Lynn Jones has just tagged me, and thus it goes that I must reveal 8 fascinating facts about myself, then ~~dump~~ pass on the same task to 8 other bloggers (which is going to be tricky as most of my blogroll have already been tagged!)

OK so here goes:

1) I've never been to Transformations, and I've never bought any of their products.

2) I've climbed up to the top of Mont Real in Montreal, Canada and seen the huge big steel cross as close as you can get. (It looks like a radio mast close up - I nearly missed it!)

3) I'm a Union Representative and Activist at work.

4) I'm addicted to Animal Crossing: Wide World on the Nintendo DS and have to play 10 minutes everyday or my carefully cross-bred roses will die!

5) I love to dance but am incredibly self conscious dancing in front of people

6) I enjoy Backgammon

7) I have a pathological terror of syringe needles, and injections

8) I've had work published in Ragnarok - The journal of the Society of Fantasy and Science Fiction Wargamers.

And now the tricky bit. Assuming they haven't already been tagged, I nominate Helena, Chuck, Bikerchick, Sanji, Richard, Lara, Charlee, and Batsgirl.

Steam Trek: The Moving Picture

2007-08-18T16:54:00.000+01:00

I'm a great fan of homages to silent movies, especially those that are clever enough to use the genre rather than mock it.

This one is incredibly clever, and uses some very well-judged musical cues for additional gags.

Colour Me Sicker

2007-08-12T19:12:00.000+01:00

Mere days after I posted my black and white portrait for Luis Drayton's Colour Me Sick, fellow blogger and contributor, Helena Love fired-up her art package and produced this fantastic rendition of me:

I'm absolutely besotted with it!

Proto-Goth icons

2007-08-11T11:09:00.001+01:00

Your Score: Siouxsie Sioux!

Our test has determined that you possess
40% Hellbentness, 19% Sanguinity, and 48% Creeps!
Well done!

You are Siouxsie Sioux, lead singer of Siouxsie and the Banshees!

Siouxsie and the Banshees were a British gothic rock band that encompassed the punk and new wave genres. She and the Banshees were not directly involved in the early goth scene as such, but had a massive influence on it in terms of both music and image. Siouxsie Sioux courted much controversy in the band's early days with her dress, often wearing 'bondage' clothes and fetish wear. Their music had been called "gothic" as far back as 1979, and their music formed the template for a lot of female-fronted goth bands in much the same way that Siouxsie's sense of style provided a fashion plate for many female goths. Between the two bands, Siouxsie & the Banshees and Bauhaus pretty much rocked early gothic style into being.

Link: The what Proto-Goth Icon are you? Test written by anastasia_x on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Shameless Plug Time

2007-08-06T18:41:00.000+01:00

Being a complete attention-whore (Hello? Tranny!) I couldn't wait to get involved in Luis Drayton's latest adventure Colour Me Sick: The TG Self-Portrait Colouring-In Project.

Its pretty simple really. Luis has posted a number of black and white self portraits of members of the Trannisphere. Its up to you to print them off, colour them in, and post them back on the group page.

I'm going to have a go at Miss K's funky offering when I can get to a printer and my crayons...

And here's mine:

Mother knows best

2007-08-04T01:35:00.000+01:00

Reading other blogs about de-princessing, and hiding things from parents made me feel incredibly lucky to have a mum who knows about what I do and is pleased for me.

She doesn't know ALL of what I do, because I don't want her worrying, but she's seen some of my pictures, and heard edited highlights of Transpocalypse and the like.

She was the first person I came out to, although other people may have had an inkling. She's been very supportive, very flattering about my photos, and very quick to raid my closet when she's got a fancy dress party to go to!

My brother is cool with it too, but doesn't really think about it much.

But my father doesn't know. I don't really see him much, or get on with him very well, so I'm happier presenting a façade of normality, as his girlfriend seems determined to cut me and my brother out of his life (and his will...)

Sharon and Tracey

2007-08-01T21:43:00.000+01:00

Right. Enough with the hate, more with the love. Feast your eyes on my new shoes.

They arrived today from Alternative Footwear. I ordered the 4" white patent stilettos, but a few days later I got an email saying they wouldn't be back in stock til October! Instead I was offered the 5" which I didn't see on their website (and which were a quid cheaper too!) I said definitely, and here they are!

I'm going to a Tarts and Vicars party with The Biker Chick soon. I think these need to be worn with black footless tights, a denim mini, and my fake gold hoopy earrings!

Just call me Chardonnay!

Law and Toilets...

2007-07-30T19:54:00.000+01:00

Hmmm. I've been doing some research on British Law as it relates to the transgender person and toilet facilities.

First, to get it out of the way, the Licensing Act 2003 makes no mention of toilet facilities, except as an Environmental Health issue. See Great Yarmouth Borough Council Statement of Licensing Policy for more information.

The Health and Safety at Work Act 1974 states that workers must have access to separate toilet facilities, but does not specify how they are used. However a test cast of a pre-op failed because the person had had worked for the company as a man, and female co-workers were uncomfortable with 'her' presence. Here I think the key aspect is that complaints were made.

Also, see what the the Equal Opportunities Comission says on a related topic:

Can a pub refuse to serve a transsexual person?

Discrimination against transsexual people is unfortunately not unlawful in the area of goods facilities and services as it is in employment but there is a strong argument that it should be so. Test cases still need to be brought on this issue in the County Court. So far, cases have been taken to clarify the law on this issue but have settled before hearing. In one case, a transsexual woman had visited a pub on a number of occasions when she was told by the landlord not to come to the pub any more because he claimed that her presence was affecting his business. The case settled with the landlord acknowledging that he had discriminated unlawfully against her. She received an apology and an undertaking from the landlord not to discriminate against her in future, as well as compensation and a contribution to her legal costs.

Its a tricky subject. The statute law pre-dates the Gender Recognition Act, and there is not enough case law for there to be a clear direction.

Plus all of it hinges on officially labelling oneself Transgender.

I don't think I'll be taking V to court any time soon. I think I'll settle for boycotting the place and telling my tale.

Its a dive anyway. I'll suffer no hardship.

Hatecrime!

2007-07-29T00:39:00.000+01:00

Wow, of all of the people I've met, I would never have though Vivien (aka "V"), the licensee of Rasputins Nightclub, King Street, Great Yarmouth, would be a transphobic bigot.

Last night (Saturday 28th July), I went out to celebrate a friend's birthday. We were dressed as schoolgirls and I was presenting as female. Whilst in Rasputins I needed to use the toilet, and being dressed as a woman I decided to use the ladies toilets. To avoid any problems, I went in with a female friend, even though the toilets were empty at the time.

While I was using the cubicle there was a knock on the door and a male voice mumbled something. I finished and exited the cubicle. In the main body of the toilets were two young girls (who with hindsight looked underage - wish I'd have picked up on that at the time!) and a male bouncer holding the main door open. He waited for me to wash my hands then told me to leave the toilets.

The owner (the afore-mentioned V) took me to one side and told me she did not want me using her ladies toilets. I told her that unless someone had complained, there was no legal problem with me being there. V claimed that her guidelines for The Licensing Act (2003) said that if she finds a man in the ladies toilets, she can hand him over to the police. I said that I thought this was incorrect, and did she expect me to use the gents toilets. She said she did. I left the matter at this and went to sit with my friends.

I was shaking with anger but thought it best to leave any matters until I had a clear head. However when I left around twenty minutes later, she was on the door with a bouncer and I mentioned that she should look at The Provision of Goods and Services Act (although I think it is still going through parliament) and that I felt I had been discriminated against. She in turn told me that "If I catch you in there again, I'll knock your block off". And she is quite a large lady.

Half jokingly I asked what about if I get "The Operation". She said I would have to prove my new gender and laughed. Lacking a witty comeback, I left with my friends.

Once I have had a good nights sleep I will investigate my options. I would like to demand an apology, and threaten to make an official complaint on discrimination and threatening language. But I'd also like to make sure I have the legal (and moral) high ground before I go shooting my mouth off. I certainly plan to inform everybody who cares of this situation, regardless of the action I choose to take.

Butch/femme

2007-07-23T09:05:00.000+01:00

This weekend Siobhan has been playing around with trying to look femme in a butch outfit (and succeeding very well BTW).

As a result I've been having a think about my look. I took some pictures this weekend, trying on outfits for a couple of parties I'm going to in a week or so. Yes they're fancy dress!

Annoyingly I've come to the conclusion that unless I make a concerted effort I look odd dressed as any gender.

As a bloke I look (and act) a bit camp. I think its more to do with being comfortable with myself and not caring enough to indulge in macho bullshit.

As a girl, mainly due to my build, I look a bit butch (see this extreme example). Although I do mostly act girly. Even more so when drunk...

Its not a big thing as some of the blokes (and quite a few of the girls) I hang around with are macho enough for both of us. Its just something I have to bear in mind when posing for pictures.

Update 24/07/07 - I just showed my Mum the picture above, and she said, "Oh wow! You look just like the Saturday girl who works in my shop." So I guess its not all bad after all.

RTFM

2007-07-23T09:03:00.000+01:00

I'm glad its not just me...

Double Standards

2007-07-21T18:19:00.000+01:00

I recently went to a fancy dress party as a saloon girl. All night I had young ladies coming up to me asking if they could feel my breasts.

Those under 18 were told "no." Those over 18 were told "Only if I can feel yours". Regardless of the answer all grabbed anyway, then covered their chest and backed off.

I wasn't particularly interested in any of these girls breasts, but I was mightily annoyed at their presumption - imagine the fuss if I had grabbed a girl's breasts after being told no!

Can we just have some consideration for other people's feelings and personal space please?

Big Girl (You are Beautiful)

2007-07-05T16:47:00.000+01:00

As a plus-size tranny I'm now very fond of Mr Mika.

XKCD for the win

2007-07-04T16:38:00.002+01:00

Clever. And very nerdy:

You might need to view full size to read the placard

Fancy dress frenzy

2007-06-30T11:09:00.000+01:00

Fancy dress parties are my favourite kind of party. My only problem is that I have to stagger the Pandora costumes with the 'Bob' costumes as I'm not 100% out.

I've got possibly two parties coming up in the next month, but I have a dilemma as they will be with the same peeps, so I cant wear the same outfit.

I've got a "naughty schoolgirl" outfit pieced together from real clothes which is my backup plan for the first party. I also just bought this:
The problem is that the second party might be Moulin Rouge themed, so I want to save the new costume if the second theme goes ahead. But I wont know that until possibly after the first party. *sigh*

I think its going to be a last minute decision. Unless I can get the organiser to commit to a theme now...

Too fat to die

2007-06-23T10:34:00.000+01:00

As a fatty this article from The Onion caused me to literally LOL.

Dr. Marjorie Reese, director of UCLA's Obesity Pathology Clinic says, "...the fact that obesity impedes suicide is truly troubling. It appears that the more reason people have to die, the less capable they are of doing so. They are literally trapped in their grotesque, blubbery bodies."

But she advises that losing weight to enable suicide has its own problems: "If they mistake their all-but-meaningless improvement for a legitimate reason to live, their fat, revolting lives may be prolonged indefinitely."

Chuckle.

HTMLOL

2007-06-13T05:23:00.000+01:00

It made my sides hurt. I am such a nerd...

More LOLcats can be found at icanhascheezburger.com

“I know where it’s at”

2007-06-12T22:23:00.000+01:00

There’s a misconception that local music scene consists of identikit rock bands playing the same ten cover versions. That might be true for a large number of venues (and bands) but there are still individuals striking out from the beaten path.

Here are my personal recommendations. All the bands I name below play sets exclusively of original material.

Our Dead Empire

They call themselves “Emo” but don’t let that put you off. ODE came about as a way for their guitarist dealing with the breakdown of his marriage. All the songs have a deep backstory, and whether that comes out overtly or not, they all have poignancy to them. Therapy has never sounded so good! Plus they’re all really nice blokes!

Turnstone

Turnstone draw many comparisons with The Beatles, The Rolling Stones and The Kinks. Although their inspiration is very obvious, Turnstone have a significant body of original material whilst retaining a familiar feel although they are not averse to the odd cover if the venue is appropriate.

Punch the Vicar

Young female and punk, PTV are just plain entertaining. With songs like “Ode to a Porno Mag”, “The Minge Song” and an energetic cover of the Spice Girls’ Wannabe, it’s pretty clear you are going to have fun. Sometimes enthusiasm wins out over professionalism but that all part of the package. Some bands have printed T-Shirts. PTV have logo-printed knickers!

Blag

My favourite (still-existing) ska band. Fast, energetic, and their lead singer has an amazing way of rolling his Rs. They do a nice line in social commentary too: listen to “Skarrific Gangster” if you can. Or for a laugh track down their cover of Arthur (the kids TV show, not the Dudley Moore film!)

Last Paradigm

With two lead singers with very different voices Last Paradigm sound unlike any other metal band you will hear on the East coast. And since both sing the same lines together you get a weird (dis)harmony effect that is hard to describe if you’ve not heard it. The songs they have on their site don’t really give you a feel

Sweet Dizease

I still am not sure if Sweet Dizease are truly serious about their angry anti-Christian stance, or whether they are having a bit of fun. Either way, their catchy brand of metal goes down well with the crowds, and you would be hard pressed not to yell out “Unite in the death pit!” during Pious. Their lead singer gets totally into character and if the crowd is slack in its response he won’t hesitate to tell them how “fucking pitiful” they are. Sweet Dizease amuse me immensely.

The Divide

More original rock. This is a bit more old school hard rock rather than metal, with the odd cover for good measure. The Divide are showmen and performers as well as musicians, and their frontman in his top hat, wild hair, raggedy coat and skull necklaces will keep you entertained with his capering and growling in between numbers.

Finally we have an odd last entry:

Alcanal

Alcanal is not a local band, but a musician/producer. You won’t see him on stage these days, but he is content to produce tracks exclusively for MySpace. Listen to “Hopton Shark Rescue” and you will know why I find this guy hilarious.

Pandering to Miss EnVerite

2007-06-11T18:51:00.000+01:00

My Tranny Footprint

373248 COt

(COt = Cubic Ounces of trannieness)

Calculate your tranny footprint at BeckysWeb!

My Tranny Footprint

I emit as much trannieness as:

ABBA

Calculate your tranny footprint at BeckysWeb!

Chirpy

2007-06-03T16:39:00.000+01:00

After some much needed closure, I'm mostly back on form.

Lucy and I will remain friends, now that we've cleared the air. And our well-stocked dressing-up boxes and identical dress size is merely a coincidence.

My gran had a nice send off. And although we will all miss her lots, having the worry of the funeral arrangements behind us means we can get on and grieve properly.

My car still makes mysterious noises, but the garage can find no actual physical problems with it.

My optician has not contacted me following my glaucoma test, so I'm hopeful the first test was a blip.

And my birthday was finally celebrated three days late with cake and family. Present highlights include 35mm scale kung-fu schoolgirls, the pop-up Kama Sutra, and a fantastic Lego mecha.

There's still some crap in session (eg my job) but the week from hell is over.

Phew!

Numb

2007-05-27T17:30:00.001+01:00

Last night I went out to celebrate my birthday with a bunch of mates and Lucy. It was a fantastic night.

I *was* going to write up some of our adventures, and draw a discreet veil over someone staying the night...

Except that a few hours after I dropped her home I got a text saying she didn't think it was going to work and she was sorry.

I was surprisingly restrained and understanding in the text exchanges, but now that it is over I just feel numb and a little nauseous.

*sigh* I thought I had something really good here.

"For the benefit of Miss Rogers"

2007-05-16T18:42:00.000+01:00

The English language is often quite inadequate. Not because of the lack of words to chose from, but because a lot of the useful phrases have connotations or implications.

Today was mine and Lucy's first daytime date. We went for a picnic in the park. It was really nice and relaxed, and we're beginning to be less guarded around each other.

When I dropped her back at her home there was an awkward silence. Eventually Lucy asked if we were "you know...".

I explained that I really fancied her, and I liked spending time with her.

"But?" she asked.

"No buts" I explained. I really do want to spend more time with her.

So after about 10 minutes of trying to find the right words, we decided we were boyfriend and girlfriend and both went off with silly grins on our faces. We're off to see my friend's band tomorrow night.

But I still cant find the right words:

Dating - Nope, that's what we've been doing.
Going out - sounds like something said in high school
Exclusive - Lucy liked this suggestion, but its still not the right word
Involved - too euphemistic
Going steady - What is this? The 50s?

Any ideas?

Eurovision 2007

2007-05-13T10:23:00.000+01:00

What kind of tranny would I be if I didn't do a Eurovision review? Well, I don't know about you, but I wasn't actually watching this year. I was out doing karaoke with Lucy :)

I have been skimming the YouTube archives this morning though, and I'm quite taken by Bulgaria's strange tribal/techno track.

I was less impressed by the UK's sub-VengaAirways effort.

And having heard it, I'm also quite put out that the amusing Israeli tune didn't get to the finals. Bloody politics.

Aaaaanyway... The best way to enjoy Eurovision is to host a house party and watch as a group. Have a few drinks, get everybody to pick a country and then heckle to your hearts content! I still have fond memories of the 2005 party I went to.

Reasons to be cheeful, part 3

2007-04-30T23:38:00.000+01:00

1) Lucy
-although that's all I’m saying for now :-)

2) Going to a gig Friday as Pandora
-haven't dressed up since Transpocalypse

3) Kingdom of Loathing
– still the funniest online RPG around

4) Oban Star Racers
- like the best bits of Star Wars pod-racing with characters you care about

5) Tomorrow is Strike-Day
- "Freedom for Tooting!"

Meez

2007-04-26T18:31:00.000+01:00

Playing around with online "me makers" can be fun, but it still seems like every virtual me is skinny. Where are the big wimin at?

"Captures theives just like flies..."

2007-04-17T21:07:00.000+01:00

Regulars to my Flickr profile will have noticed a recent theme of spider photos. This is because summer draws near again, and my home is about to host a three-month spider convention.

I don't mind the tiny ones (up to an inch leg-span), but the bloody huge ones that are too big to scoop up in a tub freak me the hell out.

The photography is a cheap attempt at suppressing my arachnophobia. If I can get to the stage where finding a new spider is met with "Ooh! Better get my camera" rather than "EEEK! SPIDER!" than I'm winning.

The Freedom of Price

2007-04-09T09:15:00.000+01:00

Call me a cynic if you want…

(Waits for cries to die down)

…but surely it’s obvious why the MOD has let the Iran captives sell their story?

1: The British public is far more likely to side with the soldiers, and against Iran, as a result of a newspaper story than any number of press releases from the establishment.

2: Soldiers with a large payout from the Sun/Mirror/Mail etc are far less likely to try to claim compensation for the suffering they went through.

So there we have a simple and elegant plan from the MOD which, if there’s any backlash, will be targeted against the soldiers for greed rather than the MOD for being manipulative.

Everyone wins.

Internet "Cafés"

2007-03-31T10:17:00.000+01:00

I’ve got a whole hive of bees in my bonnet right now (mainly work or people taking diabolical liberties), but one of the tiny niggling things is so-called Internet Cafes.

In my town there have been a host of tiny shop fronts opening up that contain a server, a few PCs and some furniture. They offer Internet access by the hour and proudly proclaim their status as Internet Cafes.

What annoys me is that the owners (mostly band-wagoneers woefully out of date) seem to think that a service that provides Internet access is a “café”, when what most of us will realise is that the original Internet cafes were actually cafes that also provided Internet access. The café part of the name refers to the serving of coffee, tea and light snacks.

I want to go into these little places and ask for a full English breakfast, or a croissant and a latte.

I might take a camera to record the look of confusion on their face.

“Nuclear Wessels”

2007-03-14T22:18:00.000Z

Serious blog posting here today. Sorry.

There is a lot of talk at the moment about the Trident nuclear-submarine defence system. Many people are saying we should update it because we need to have a nuclear deterrent. Some people are saying we should not update and spend the £20bn on hospitals, schools, infrastructure and the environment.

The pro-nuke argument points to rogue second- and third-world countries who are trying to develop nukes (and some cynics suggest we might need to defend ourselves from America one day).

The anti-nuke argument says we have America to defend us, and we’ve never needed to use the Trident system, why would we need it now.

As a budding game-theorist I’ve been looking at the nuclear ‘game’ and have spotted a flaw in the pro-British nuclear deterrent argument.

The basic form of the nuclear deterrent is this: If we both have nukes each of us knows that we cannot launch a strike without retaliation. And where nukes are concerned retaliation means we both end up sitting in a radioactive crater with leukaemia.

The problem with this is that it assumes both sides realise the consequences, and aren’t willing to die to harm their opponent.

This falls down when you consider the rogue states that the politicians point to as a threat. Most of these countries haven’t played the cold-war games, and some contain zealots who are willing to die for their cause if it will harm their enemies. If this is the case, no matter how many nukes we have, we could still be targeted by these countries.

We might have nukes, but no-one is being deterred. Spend the money on something useful.

Body Fascists

2007-03-01T18:07:00.000Z

I went clothes shopping today. I thought I'd try out a few new places for my Pandora wardrobe.

Firstly I went to Primark. Cheap and cheerful, and I've heard good things about their range. Sadly most of the stock is bog standard stuff or hideous 70s prints. I did manage to find some gorgeous negligees in black and pink lace. Except they only go up to 16/18. I'm hardly huge, but my shoulders and ass requires a 20. I'll try somewhere else.

There's a George store in my local mall, except there seems to be a gap. I can find 18s and 22s but no sign of 20s. Maybe there's been a run of people annoyed with Primark.

Trying TK Maxx I give up immediately when I find "Extra Large" refers to size 16!

Despondent I give up on clothes shopping and shop for other things, although I did find a lovely bracelet in Claire's Accessories.

On the way home I stop into my regular Asda and find a cute pink chemise and a very sexy black basque and knicker set in my size. (The cup size claims to be a DD but oddly when I get home my falsies fit fine). And when I get to the till I find out they are half price, and they just haven't adjusted the ticket yet. Score!

Not sure when I'm going to get to wear the basque, but with detachable straps (shoulder and suspender) it might work as a sassy top with a short black skirt and my snakeskin jacket.

Nicky Hambleton-NO!

2007-02-09T18:09:00.000Z

I watched 10 Years Younger yesterday. They had a guy on who was only 35 but looked like a cross between John Peel and Worzel Gummidge. However, when they finished with him I though he looked older, and I had a few issues with their techniques and opinions.

With the scraggy beard and long hair the guest looked like he was late forties. People confirmed this when they asked the public to speculate on his age. However, when they finished with him he was clean-shaven with messy hair, and had the biggest crow’s feet you ever saw – even bigger than Michele Collins. With his “Kaiser Chiefs” look, the crows feet and contact lenses (I’ll get on to that in a minute) he looked like Cliff Richards – actually 60/70 but trying to dress like his grandkids. And yet the public said he looked late 20s. Were they blind, stupid or bribed? And I wonder how he will manage his job as a rock DJ looking like an indie kid?

My second big hate was that they removed his glasses. As a glasses-wearer I hate it when makeover shows remove the glasses. Are they saying glasses make you look old? Ugly? Poor? With designer frames, rimless and half rimmed glasses available, this is a very lazy method of changing your look and totally undermines the confidence of a huge section of the population.

And then we have hair. I have long hair. I like it because the public and vapid style mags think short hair is “cool” and tell us men over 18 should not grow their hair. What can I say? I’m a rebel. However the “top stylist” on the show decided it had to come off, as they have done with every long-haired bloke who has submitted himself to a makeover show since the history of television. I say that if you are a “top stylist” and cannot find a suitable style or cut to make long hair work on a man, you are a mere barber fit for shaving and short back and sides. If all you can do is copy Heat and Vogue, shame on you, you pander!