Double Standards

I recently went to a fancy dress party as a saloon girl. All night I had young ladies coming up to me asking if they could feel my breasts.

Those under 18 were told "no." Those over 18 were told "Only if I can feel yours". Regardless of the answer all grabbed anyway, then covered their chest and backed off.

I wasn't particularly interested in any of these girls breasts, but I was mightily annoyed at their presumption - imagine the fuss if I had grabbed a girl's breasts after being told no!

Can we just have some consideration for other people's feelings and personal space please?

Big Girl (You are Beautiful)

As a plus-size tranny I'm now very fond of Mr Mika.

XKCD for the win

Clever. And very nerdy:



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Fancy dress frenzy

Fancy dress parties are my favourite kind of party. My only problem is that I have to stagger the Pandora costumes with the 'Bob' costumes as I'm not 100% out.

I've got possibly two parties coming up in the next month, but I have a dilemma as they will be with the same peeps, so I cant wear the same outfit.

I've got a "naughty schoolgirl" outfit pieced together from real clothes which is my backup plan for the first party. I also just bought this:
The problem is that the second party might be Moulin Rouge themed, so I want to save the new costume if the second theme goes ahead. But I wont know that until possibly after the first party. *sigh*

I think its going to be a last minute decision. Unless I can get the organiser to commit to a theme now...

Too fat to die

As a fatty this article from The Onion caused me to literally LOL.

Dr. Marjorie Reese, director of UCLA's Obesity Pathology Clinic says, "...the fact that obesity impedes suicide is truly troubling. It appears that the more reason people have to die, the less capable they are of doing so. They are literally trapped in their grotesque, blubbery bodies."

But she advises that losing weight to enable suicide has its own problems: "If they mistake their all-but-meaningless improvement for a legitimate reason to live, their fat, revolting lives may be prolonged indefinitely."

Chuckle.

HTMLOL

It made my sides hurt. I am such a nerd...





More LOLcats can be found at icanhascheezburger.com

“I know where it’s at”

There’s a misconception that local music scene consists of identikit rock bands playing the same ten cover versions. That might be true for a large number of venues (and bands) but there are still individuals striking out from the beaten path.

Here are my personal recommendations. All the bands I name below play sets exclusively of original material.

Our Dead Empire

They call themselves “Emo” but don’t let that put you off. ODE came about as a way for their guitarist dealing with the breakdown of his marriage. All the songs have a deep backstory, and whether that comes out overtly or not, they all have poignancy to them. Therapy has never sounded so good! Plus they’re all really nice blokes!

Turnstone

Turnstone draw many comparisons with The Beatles, The Rolling Stones and The Kinks. Although their inspiration is very obvious, Turnstone have a significant body of original material whilst retaining a familiar feel although they are not averse to the odd cover if the venue is appropriate.

Punch the Vicar

Young female and punk, PTV are just plain entertaining. With songs like “Ode to a Porno Mag”, “The Minge Song” and an energetic cover of the Spice Girls’ Wannabe, it’s pretty clear you are going to have fun. Sometimes enthusiasm wins out over professionalism but that all part of the package. Some bands have printed T-Shirts. PTV have logo-printed knickers!

Blag

My favourite (still-existing) ska band. Fast, energetic, and their lead singer has an amazing way of rolling his Rs. They do a nice line in social commentary too: listen to “Skarrific Gangster” if you can. Or for a laugh track down their cover of Arthur (the kids TV show, not the Dudley Moore film!)

Last Paradigm

With two lead singers with very different voices Last Paradigm sound unlike any other metal band you will hear on the East coast. And since both sing the same lines together you get a weird (dis)harmony effect that is hard to describe if you’ve not heard it. The songs they have on their site don’t really give you a feel

Sweet Dizease

I still am not sure if Sweet Dizease are truly serious about their angry anti-Christian stance, or whether they are having a bit of fun. Either way, their catchy brand of metal goes down well with the crowds, and you would be hard pressed not to yell out “Unite in the death pit!” during Pious. Their lead singer gets totally into character and if the crowd is slack in its response he won’t hesitate to tell them how “fucking pitiful” they are. Sweet Dizease amuse me immensely.

The Divide

More original rock. This is a bit more old school hard rock rather than metal, with the odd cover for good measure. The Divide are showmen and performers as well as musicians, and their frontman in his top hat, wild hair, raggedy coat and skull necklaces will keep you entertained with his capering and growling in between numbers.

Finally we have an odd last entry:

Alcanal

Alcanal is not a local band, but a musician/producer. You won’t see him on stage these days, but he is content to produce tracks exclusively for MySpace. Listen to “Hopton Shark Rescue” and you will know why I find this guy hilarious.

Pandering to Miss EnVerite

My Tranny Footprint

373248 COt

(COt = Cubic Ounces of trannieness)

Calculate your tranny footprint at BeckysWeb!

My Tranny Footprint

I emit as much trannieness as:

ABBA

Calculate your tranny footprint at BeckysWeb!

Chirpy

After some much needed closure, I'm mostly back on form.

Lucy and I will remain friends, now that we've cleared the air. And our well-stocked dressing-up boxes and identical dress size is merely a coincidence.

My gran had a nice send off. And although we will all miss her lots, having the worry of the funeral arrangements behind us means we can get on and grieve properly.

My car still makes mysterious noises, but the garage can find no actual physical problems with it.

My optician has not contacted me following my glaucoma test, so I'm hopeful the first test was a blip.

And my birthday was finally celebrated three days late with cake and family. Present highlights include 35mm scale kung-fu schoolgirls, the pop-up Kama Sutra, and a fantastic Lego mecha.

There's still some crap in session (eg my job) but the week from hell is over.

Phew!

Numb

Last night I went out to celebrate my birthday with a bunch of mates and Lucy. It was a fantastic night.

I *was* going to write up some of our adventures, and draw a discreet veil over someone staying the night...

Except that a few hours after I dropped her home I got a text saying she didn't think it was going to work and she was sorry.

I was surprisingly restrained and understanding in the text exchanges, but now that it is over I just feel numb and a little nauseous.

*sigh* I thought I had something really good here.

"For the benefit of Miss Rogers"

The English language is often quite inadequate. Not because of the lack of words to chose from, but because a lot of the useful phrases have connotations or implications.

Today was mine and Lucy's first daytime date. We went for a picnic in the park. It was really nice and relaxed, and we're beginning to be less guarded around each other.

When I dropped her back at her home there was an awkward silence. Eventually Lucy asked if we were "you know...".

I explained that I really fancied her, and I liked spending time with her.

"But?" she asked.

"No buts" I explained. I really do want to spend more time with her.

So after about 10 minutes of trying to find the right words, we decided we were boyfriend and girlfriend and both went off with silly grins on our faces. We're off to see my friend's band tomorrow night.

But I still cant find the right words:

Dating - Nope, that's what we've been doing.
Going out - sounds like something said in high school
Exclusive - Lucy liked this suggestion, but its still not the right word
Involved - too euphemistic
Going steady - What is this? The 50s?

Any ideas?

Eurovision 2007

What kind of tranny would I be if I didn't do a Eurovision review? Well, I don't know about you, but I wasn't actually watching this year. I was out doing karaoke with Lucy :)

I have been skimming the YouTube archives this morning though, and I'm quite taken by Bulgaria's strange tribal/techno track.

I was less impressed by the UK's sub-VengaAirways effort.

And having heard it, I'm also quite put out that the amusing Israeli tune didn't get to the finals. Bloody politics.

Aaaaanyway... The best way to enjoy Eurovision is to host a house party and watch as a group. Have a few drinks, get everybody to pick a country and then heckle to your hearts content! I still have fond memories of the 2005 party I went to.

Reasons to be cheeful, part 3

1) Lucy
-although that's all I’m saying for now :-)

2) Going to a gig Friday as Pandora
-haven't dressed up since Transpocalypse

3) Kingdom of Loathing
– still the funniest online RPG around

4) Oban Star Racers
- like the best bits of Star Wars pod-racing with characters you care about

5) Tomorrow is Strike-Day
- "Freedom for Tooting!"

Meez

Playing around with online "me makers" can be fun, but it still seems like every virtual me is skinny. Where are the big wimin at?

"Captures theives just like flies..."

Regulars to my Flickr profile will have noticed a recent theme of spider photos. This is because summer draws near again, and my home is about to host a three-month spider convention.

I don't mind the tiny ones (up to an inch leg-span), but the bloody huge ones that are too big to scoop up in a tub freak me the hell out.

The photography is a cheap attempt at suppressing my arachnophobia. If I can get to the stage where finding a new spider is met with "Ooh! Better get my camera" rather than "EEEK! SPIDER!" than I'm winning.

The Freedom of Price

Call me a cynic if you want…

(Waits for cries to die down)

…but surely it’s obvious why the MOD has let the Iran captives sell their story?

1: The British public is far more likely to side with the soldiers, and against Iran, as a result of a newspaper story than any number of press releases from the establishment.

2: Soldiers with a large payout from the Sun/Mirror/Mail etc are far less likely to try to claim compensation for the suffering they went through.

So there we have a simple and elegant plan from the MOD which, if there’s any backlash, will be targeted against the soldiers for greed rather than the MOD for being manipulative.

Everyone wins.

Internet "Cafés"

I’ve got a whole hive of bees in my bonnet right now (mainly work or people taking diabolical liberties), but one of the tiny niggling things is so-called Internet Cafes.

In my town there have been a host of tiny shop fronts opening up that contain a server, a few PCs and some furniture. They offer Internet access by the hour and proudly proclaim their status as Internet Cafes.

What annoys me is that the owners (mostly band-wagoneers woefully out of date) seem to think that a service that provides Internet access is a “café”, when what most of us will realise is that the original Internet cafes were actually cafes that also provided Internet access. The café part of the name refers to the serving of coffee, tea and light snacks.

I want to go into these little places and ask for a full English breakfast, or a croissant and a latte.

I might take a camera to record the look of confusion on their face.

“Nuclear Wessels”

Serious blog posting here today. Sorry.

There is a lot of talk at the moment about the Trident nuclear-submarine defence system. Many people are saying we should update it because we need to have a nuclear deterrent. Some people are saying we should not update and spend the £20bn on hospitals, schools, infrastructure and the environment.

The pro-nuke argument points to rogue second- and third-world countries who are trying to develop nukes (and some cynics suggest we might need to defend ourselves from America one day).

The anti-nuke argument says we have America to defend us, and we’ve never needed to use the Trident system, why would we need it now.

As a budding game-theorist I’ve been looking at the nuclear ‘game’ and have spotted a flaw in the pro-British nuclear deterrent argument.

The basic form of the nuclear deterrent is this: If we both have nukes each of us knows that we cannot launch a strike without retaliation. And where nukes are concerned retaliation means we both end up sitting in a radioactive crater with leukaemia.

The problem with this is that it assumes both sides realise the consequences, and aren’t willing to die to harm their opponent.

This falls down when you consider the rogue states that the politicians point to as a threat. Most of these countries haven’t played the cold-war games, and some contain zealots who are willing to die for their cause if it will harm their enemies. If this is the case, no matter how many nukes we have, we could still be targeted by these countries.

We might have nukes, but no-one is being deterred. Spend the money on something useful.

Body Fascists

I went clothes shopping today. I thought I'd try out a few new places for my Pandora wardrobe.

Firstly I went to Primark. Cheap and cheerful, and I've heard good things about their range. Sadly most of the stock is bog standard stuff or hideous 70s prints. I did manage to find some gorgeous negligees in black and pink lace. Except they only go up to 16/18. I'm hardly huge, but my shoulders and ass requires a 20. I'll try somewhere else.

There's a George store in my local mall, except there seems to be a gap. I can find 18s and 22s but no sign of 20s. Maybe there's been a run of people annoyed with Primark.

Trying TK Maxx I give up immediately when I find "Extra Large" refers to size 16!

Despondent I give up on clothes shopping and shop for other things, although I did find a lovely bracelet in Claire's Accessories.

On the way home I stop into my regular Asda and find a cute pink chemise and a very sexy black basque and knicker set in my size. (The cup size claims to be a DD but oddly when I get home my falsies fit fine). And when I get to the till I find out they are half price, and they just haven't adjusted the ticket yet. Score!

Not sure when I'm going to get to wear the basque, but with detachable straps (shoulder and suspender) it might work as a sassy top with a short black skirt and my snakeskin jacket.

Nicky Hambleton-NO!

I watched 10 Years Younger yesterday. They had a guy on who was only 35 but looked like a cross between John Peel and Worzel Gummidge. However, when they finished with him I though he looked older, and I had a few issues with their techniques and opinions.

With the scraggy beard and long hair the guest looked like he was late forties. People confirmed this when they asked the public to speculate on his age. However, when they finished with him he was clean-shaven with messy hair, and had the biggest crow’s feet you ever saw – even bigger than Michele Collins. With his “Kaiser Chiefs” look, the crows feet and contact lenses (I’ll get on to that in a minute) he looked like Cliff Richards – actually 60/70 but trying to dress like his grandkids. And yet the public said he looked late 20s. Were they blind, stupid or bribed? And I wonder how he will manage his job as a rock DJ looking like an indie kid?

My second big hate was that they removed his glasses. As a glasses-wearer I hate it when makeover shows remove the glasses. Are they saying glasses make you look old? Ugly? Poor? With designer frames, rimless and half rimmed glasses available, this is a very lazy method of changing your look and totally undermines the confidence of a huge section of the population.

And then we have hair. I have long hair. I like it because the public and vapid style mags think short hair is “cool” and tell us men over 18 should not grow their hair. What can I say? I’m a rebel. However the “top stylist” on the show decided it had to come off, as they have done with every long-haired bloke who has submitted himself to a makeover show since the history of television. I say that if you are a “top stylist” and cannot find a suitable style or cut to make long hair work on a man, you are a mere barber fit for shaving and short back and sides. If all you can do is copy Heat and Vogue, shame on you, you pander!