99 Things

I'm bored. And a friend did it...

If you join in, please leave a comment so that I can read yours.
Things you've already done: bold
Things you want to do: italicize
Things you haven't done and don't want to - leave in plain font

1. Started your own blog. Duh!
2. Slept under the stars. In a tent counts right?
3. Played in a band. A marching band no less!
4. Visited Hawaii.
5. Watched a meteor shower.
6. Given more than you can afford to charity.
7. Been to Disneyland/world.
8. Climbed a mountain. Mont Real in Canada
9. Held a praying mantis.
10. Sang a solo. Karaoke
11. Bungee jumped. No. But I have abseiled
12. Visited Paris.
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea.
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch. Making hair falls
15. Adopted a child..
16. Had food poisoning.
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty.
18. Grown your own vegetables.
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France.
20. Slept on an overnight train. Do we have overnight trains in England?
21. Had a pillow fight.
22. Hitch hiked.
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill.
24. Built a snow fort.
25. Held a lamb.
26. Gone skinny dipping.
27. Run a marathon.
28. Ridden a gondola in Venice.
29. Seen a total eclipse.
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset.
31. Hit a home run.
32. Been on a cruise.
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person. American and Canadian falls
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors. Huh?
35. Seen an Amish community. Don't have them in this country
36. Taught yourself a new language. Gave up on Japanese
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied. Its not money stopping me being satisfied...
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person.
39. Gone rock climbing.
40. Seen Michelangelo's David in person.
41. Sung Karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt..
43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant.
44. Visited Africa.
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight.
46. Been transported in an ambulance.
47. Had your portrait painted. Thanks to Helena
48. Gone deep sea fishing.
49. Seen the Sistine chapel in person.
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkelling.
52. Kissed in the rain.
53. Played in the mud.
54. Gone to a drive-in theatre. Dont have them over here
55. Been in a movie. Home movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China.
57. Started a business.
58. Taken a martial arts class. Judo and Kendo
59. Visited Russia.
60. Served at a soup kitchen.
61. Sold Girl Scout cookies. Not being a Girl scout...
62. Gone whale watching.
63. Been given flowers for no reason.
64. Donated blood. Not allowed to. I'm a vCJD risk
65. Gone sky diving.
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp.
67. Bounced a cheque.
68. Flown in a helicopter.
69. Saved a favourite childhood toy.
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial.
71. Eaten Caviar. Ugh
72. Pieced a quilt.
73. Stood in Times Square.
74. Toured the Everglades.
75. Been fired from a job.
76. Seen the Changing of the Guard in London.
77. Broken a bone.
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle.
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person.
80. Published a book.
81. Visited the Vatican.
82. Bought a brand new car.
83. Walked in Jerusalem.
84. Had your picture in the newspaper.
85. Read the entire Bible.
86. Visited the White House.
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating.
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life.
90. Sat on a jury.
91. Met someone famous. Paul Daniels and Mary Gentle
92. Joined a book club.
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby. Not physically possible
95. Seen the Alamo in person.
96. Swum in the Great Salt Lake.
97. Been involved in a law suit.
98. Owned a mobile phone.
99. Been stung by a bee.

Very Americano-centric. Most of the "don't wants" are also "don't cares"

GSOH

For my sins I am a member of a dating website. It's not been very helpful in finding my one true love, but it's free, requires no real effort on my part, and has fun quizzes, so I'm not going to complain.

I was quite annoyed when I received a love note from another user that was such blatant spam that it couldn't have been more obvious if it was signed by the exiled Nigerian Finance Minister.

I immediately reported it for the scam it was, and thought no more of it.

When I logged in the other day I checked my inbox and found this message's title had been changed to "A spammy message". Odd, I thought. I'm sure it was something else. So I opened it and found this message from the admins:

There once was a spam in your mail.
We delete all such things without fail.
They just want your money.
We don't think it's funny.
We wish we could send them to jail.

I laughed aloud for several minutes.

One of those review of the year thingys

January
Cold wet and boring. Nothing much happened to me

February
Once again my car drains my bank balance, but February marks the first time I visited the Catherine Wheel, and the first time I atempted cybergoth as Pandora at least. I also rediscovered my love of karaoke.

March
Yet more "fun" with my car, a bit of model making and participation in Gillian's Flickr Tranny Day (including some bad 80s fashions!)

April
New hairstyle time! I had five or six inches cut off the end of my hair and started wearing my hair in an off-centre parting with a barrette.

May
A very busy month for me. Several birthday celebrations, including my own (where I revamped my cybergoth outfit), but the big event was going out with the girls on a hen night!

June
After May I needed some time to relax, so again a month with not much going on. Although I did get to see a promotional copy of the sci-fi machinima Clear Skies with one of the voice actors.

July
Also fairly quiet. I saw some live music in my hometown's music festival, and I mused about Tranny Cliches

August
If August was an episode of Friends, it would be called "The one with all the weddings". I went to three separate events and was let down at one, and shocked by sexism at another. I also spent a week housesitting and looking after a cat, which was fun, but reminded me why I don't have pets. It is far too much responsibility.

September
My car let me down again. This time it was the battery finally giving up the ghost. But thanks to supportive and knowledgeable relatives we managed to get the car roadworthy again in time for me to attend another karaoke night at The Wheel with my friends. I also became a god-parent, and had to give a reading in a catholic church.

October
This month I celebrated the end of my first year in my current job (and therefore the one year anniversary of leaving my old hateful job!) I also celebrated Halloween as a voodoo priestess, and did more karaoke.

November
In November I released Kill It With Fire, a little solo dice game. This is my first step on the path as an amateur games designer. I'm currently working on a card game, and I've signed up for an RPG design competition on RPG.net

December
A month for ending and starting. I stated a course in Equality and Diversity for work (quite handy in the Trannisphere too!), and I ended the year with friends once again at The Wheel. Happy New Year girls!

Obviously a lot more than that happened, but that's what I'm willing to share with you lot! I wonder where 2009 will take me?

Recommended Reading

I got Cory Doctorow's "Little Brother" for Christmas.

I didn't really know much about Doctorow before I read this, apart from his appearances in XKCD, and mentions of his name in the same breath as the Electronic Frontier Foundation, so I wasn't quite sure what to expect. However the premise of the book - tech savvy kids fight back when the DHS labels them as potential terrorists - sounded intriguing.

I read the first chapter after my Christmas dinner whilst in the reading room, and the only thing that stopped me starting chapter two was The New Doctor, and A Matter of Loaf and Death.

So last night I thought I'd just read a few chapters, and then have an early night.

I finished the book at 4am this morning.

You hear the phrases "unputdownable", or "I couldn't put it down" about books all the time, but this is only the second time I've experienced it (the last time was Nick McDonell's Twelve).

I highly recommend getting this book. And if you are feeling the pinch, you can even download it for free completely legitimately.

Spread the word

-P@nd0r4

Blue Rage!

Something that annoyed me the last two Christmases, and has now started to annoy me again is blue Christmas lights.

Seems fairly harmless enough. Just one of many colours of lights that people use for the large light displays on the front of their house, right?

WRONG!

There are two real problems with these blue lights, particularly when they are the only colour of light being used.

1) Emergency services
For some reason, these blue lights are the same blue as used by ambulances, police cars and fire engines. And if the house has any sort of obstruction outside streetlamps, trees or telegraph poles) the flicker of blue is just enough to add an extra thing to worry about when driving conditions are bad. Am I speeding? Do my lights work? Will I have to brake/swerve suddenly? etc...

2) My eyes!
The blue they have chosen also hurts my eyes. Its so far along the spectrum its bordering on UV and the frequency of light makes my eyes twitch. Grrr!

So in short, either dump these lights, or mix them with other colours to save my poor nerves and eyeballs!

Parenting fail

Disclaimer: this post is nothing to do with Shannon Matthews or Baby P.

I haven't had much to blog about for a while, so I thought I'd better post something to avoid rusting up completely. Here is a little tale about my neighbours, and their wonderful parenting skills.

As I left my home the other day, the couple I live next door to, were having a shouting match in the garden. He was standing in the doorway of their home. She was standing three or four metres away by the gate with their two young children.

Apparently the back story was that he had jokingly told the children that they were to have "wee and poo" for dinner that night. They thought this was hilarious.

She did not and proceeded to scream at him (in their presence), "You cant fucking tell them they're having wee and poo for dinner! They'll fucking repeat that shit at school!"

Awesome!

Kill It With Fire

As discussed in Identity Crisis I have been working on a little game design project.

"Kill It With Fire" is the name for my solo pen-and-paper game about maintaining a web presence while trolls try to bring it crashing down around your ears. Although it was mostly an exercise in design, it is actually playable.

The main design theory I was following was "system matters". The mechanics of the game had to be suited to the task at hand, practically as well as thematically. As play-testers have pointed out that the game seems repetitive and, at times, futile, I think I have captured the essence of holding back the mindless tide that is trolldom.

Kill It With Fire puts you in the role of a site-admin. Every day trolls assault your blog, forum, photo site, and even your personal life, but you have limited resources to undo their damage. You win by removing the last troll token on the board (representing . If at any point there are more than ten troll tokens on any one of your responsibilities you lose. Theoretically you could count the turns you survived before losing to compare your progress with others, but playing to a win or lose is usually enough.

You will need two regular six-sided dice and some counters (coins or tiddlywinks or fine) to play. The rules explain everything you need to know

Take a look and see what you think:

Kill it with Fire (File size 131K)

EDIT: File now located at Scribd.com

Braaaaains!

So Halloween has been and gone for another year. I hope all the residents of the Trannisphere were able to take advantage of the season fora spot of dressing up. I certainly did. But before I discuss that...

Wasn't Dead Set good?

I had high hopes for the show, as Charlie Brooker is consistently entertaining on Screenwipe. But I also had deap-seated worries, because I hated the Nathan Barley series but found him pant-wettingly funny on the TV Go Home website).

I wasn't disappointed. It was funny, scary, and nicely satirical. There are some issues that pop up in horror that I have problems with (the ending Frank Darrabont's take on The Mist pushed those buttons), but Dead Set ended in a way that made sense, and felt right. Obviously as an optimist I'd have gone for a open-ended Butch and Sundance ending, but that's just personal preference. And it's out on DVD soon for those that missed it.

So, Halloween. I went out Friday night to The Wheel again, for their Halloqueen karaoke party. It was also my friend Hannah's birthday, so any excuse to dress up!

After Chrissy had hijacked my favourite outfit for herself, and Hannah had laid dibs on my goth wig, I decided to go for the old PVC witch look (sadly not as cool as Becky's one from the other year, but good enough). Unfortunately, despite trying it o weeks ago and loving it, I tried it on again Friday morning and had a fashion crisis - it didn't look right and I hated it!

Instead I went for a different witchy look, and dug out my top hat and skull staff. And when I got to Chrissy's to change I found she had a skull pendant and a cool bone bracelet which I horked, and had a last minute change to voodoo priestess. Sadly my pics are a bit blurry, and others were rather unflattering, so unless you scour Facebook, you'll have to imagine!

The night itself was pretty cool, and I met some new friends Amy and Shawnie. Amy hadn't dressed up, but Shawnie made an awesome Priss (from Bladerunner), and we spent the night chatting about all kinds of things.

Which reminds me - sorry if I didn't give you enough of my time Chrissy. You seemed a little distant (I think understand why) and I felt uncomfortable bothering you too much. I hope you get things sorted out.

But overall it was a good night, and I got to sing lots (even though I started choking to death during Love's Unkind)

And finally, the best story of the night:

While we waited for a taxi, we stood outside the pub with the smokers. There were around ten of us, and a couple of us were pretty big people. Plus we were completely blocking access to the pub door, you'd have had to push past, or go completely around to get in.

Which is why we fell about laughing when a muppet in a passing car threw an egg and hit the bottom of the pub door, completely missing everybody! A guy in a vampire costume made the observation that it was probably the throwers vestigial sixth finger causing some top spin that made him miss :)

My new favourite webcomic

Thanks to some chatter on a forum I have discovered Shaenon K. Garrity and Jeffrey Channing Wells's Skin Horse.

Its got a sci-fi theme, but is set in the sort-of present, and is about a team working for the government dealing with problems caused by genetically altered sentients.

The main team consist of a sentient swarm of bees, a rehabilitated Victorian criminal robot, an intelligent talking dog, and a zombie with love of large calibre guns and mayhem. But it's Tip, the new member and token human, that sold me on the strip.

Tip is a psychologist and a crossdresser. He's also got bags of confidence and is a hit with the ladies. Which makes a nice change.

Check out this recent strip after he seduces a Black Ops scientist (Click on the strip to embiggen):



I spent last night reading the archives. Its funny, clever, and sympathetic to nearly all the characters (even the opera-loving mutant silverfish in the basement!) Its so nice to see a positive portrayal of a tranny online too. Especially when its not the central theme of the comic, just a character detail.

The archives start here

Identity crisis

We denizens of the Trannisphere spend a lot of time keeping our public and private personae separate. However I have found a problem with keeping Pandora and "Bob" compartmentalised online - my ego.

I've just written a little solitaire game. The kind that uses dice and tokens. It has a vague tranny connection.

The problem is who do I assign the writing credit to?

Assign it to Pandora

Pros

• No worries with outing myself
• Can distribute it via the Trannisphere

Cons

• Can't discuss the game in the gaming forums as I'm registered as "Bob"
• Don't get to add it to my portfolio of work

Assign it to "Bob"

Pros

• Can discuss the game on gaming forums
• Adds to my portfolio of work

Cons

• Tranny connection may raise questions
• Can't put it on this blog

I suppose I could co-credit it, but that may lead to an inadvertent outing. And besides it just seems weird.

Any suggestions?

"The nuts are complimentary"

Following on from my post on compliments (was it really as long ago as April? Eeek!) I'm going to postulate a theory:

If you want compliments (particularly as a tranny) find a group of really nice people, and get them drunk.

Last night I went out to my local gay-friendly venue for its karaoke night, and got one of the best compliments I have ever received, from a friend who had had quite a bit to drink.

My best friend Chrissy and her mates turned up half way through the evening, and Chrissy said that her brother and his new girlfriend were on their way too. I recently met her brother and we got on really well, so he was looking forward to meeting up again, and was interested to meet me as Pandora. I was also looking forward to meeting his girlfriend who was apparently "loud, American and a cosplayer".

When he finally arrived, Chrissy introduced him to me and all her other friends. Ever the gent, her brother kissed all the ladies present on the cheek and said hi. I was quite flattered that he was "playing along" and included me in with the ladies. Until he came back from the bar, shook my hand and said "We've actually met before haven't we?" :D

Later in the evening his girlfriend (who was exactly as described, but quite lovely) told me that while they were at the bar after doing introductions, he'd said that he was quite disappointed I wasn't there yet, and didn't know any of the girls he'd been introduced to!

Like I said earlier, he was rather tipsy by that point in the evening, but it still made me feel really good about myself.

(The title is from this joke if you were wondering)

Best disclaimer ever...

From The Extraordinary Adventures of Baron Munchausen (Hogshead Publishing 1998):

Disclaimer: The words "he", "him" and "his" are used throughout this book as generic third-person singular pronouns. With this usage the author, a man of great gallantry, does not wish to imply that members of the fairer sex are any less likely to have astonishing adventures than their male counterparts despite their frailty, lack of education and great aptitude for giggling and fainting. He does not assume that flouncy crinolines and a décolletage like alabaster might make then any less able to engage in espionage against the French while disguised as a haddock, or that their extensive skills in needlepoint and household management would be anything but an asset when seducing the Empress of Russia. In short, he believes that in many ways women are just as brave, capable and interesting as men, and in occasional circumstances more so. Bless their little hearts.

(Quoted under fair usage as a review)

With a disclaimer like that how can you not want to read more? Heartily recommended as a rather interesting parlour game, and a damn enjoyable read.

Number 1: The KLF

I've been a bit negative recently, so this is number 1 in an occasional series of things that make me happy.

What Time Is Love America

Playing guitars, in armour, in a storm, on a viking longboat, the Justified Ancients of Mu Mu remind us what time love is:



Justified and Ancient

They're justified, ancient, ride an icecream van (make mine a 99 please), and persuaded Tammy Wynette to get involved in their silliness. I like to sing this one at my local karaoke haunt.



Doctorin' the Tardis

An early appearance under the name "The Timelords". This was my first exposure to Drummond and Cauty. An odd blend of The Glitter Band and the old Who theme.



More info on the KLF here

Why I hate weddings

I had a long post planned, but it boils down to this:

A reading was given at the wedding I attended today about how the Bible sees marriage. Apparently the main thing it has to say (according to this reading) is that if there is an argument between husband and wife, and they cannot reach an agreement, then the wife must submit to her husband.

As an Equality and Diversity Adviser I was appalled. But it was my friends wedding, and I had to bite my tongue and seethe.

Aside: As a grumpy singleton who keeps getting wedding invites, I'm considering buying a ruined wedding dress and some toy spiders so I can attend as Miss Havisham

Bitchy rant

Well it turns out my ex isn't a useless cow, she's actually a lying bitch.

She was the one wanting to get back with me, but her track record of unreliability has been a major barrier.

I decided to give her a second chance and invited her to join me at a friends wedding. She was very excited.

And then, mere days before, she cancelled saying she had to work at short notice.

For most people this would be unfortunate but believable, but given her history, I was less than charitable and ignored her texts.

Sounds harsh maybe, but saying nothing was better than saying what was on my mind...


And then this morning I check Facebook, and see pictures of her out drinking with her mates on the night she was apparently working.

And people wonder why I am always so bitter and cynical...

Little Fluffy Clouds

Stephanie has introduced me to a cool new online toy! Wordle is a nifty little application that makes a word cloud of a bunch of text, or a website, or blog etc.

And for those not in the know, that's a visual display of the most common words sized by occurrence.

Pandora's Hideaway looks something like this:



(Click for bigger)

The key words seem to be "funny", "updates", "pictures". "Outfit", "genre" and "tranny" are quite popular too!

The (un)Official List of Tranny Cliches

Inspired by some chat over on Rachel's blog, I thought I'd have a go at compiling a list myself.

So lets have a think (and feel fee to suggest more)

• Maid/Waitress
• Nurse
• Schoolgirl
• Secretary/Businesswoman
• Bride
• Tart/streetwalker
• Policewoman
• Dominatrix
• Can-can/Moulin Rouge dancer
• Wonder Woman (or other super heroine)
• Air Hostess*
  
• Geisha
• Lingerie
• Any outfit showing stocking tops
• Any outfit showing cleavage
• Any outfit involving a greyhound skirt
  

I've done eight out of fifteen, which isn't bad..

For fun here's some general photography tranny cliches. And I'm not suggesting any of these are bad, just recurring themes in the community.

• MySpace angle
• Hotel room (bonus points for including the door, or being at a Travelodge)
• Picture including a radiator
  
• Picture with a fellow tranny
• Posed on the stairs/landing*
• Posed at home, extremely cropped picture*
• Posed at home with background blurred or removed**
  
• Posed at home with curtains closed and lights off*
• All full-length shots*
• Photo taken looking down at shoes*
  
• Photo taken in the mirror
  
• Blurry nightclub picture
• Dressing service picture
• Cartoon avatar (Simpsons, Zwinky, Meez etc)
• Photo of clothes
• Photo of make up containers
• Photo of hotel room swamped in clothes and accessories
  

And finally, the tranny no-nos

• Claiming a picture of a real girl as yourself
• Claiming a picture of another T-Girl as yourself
• Full-length photo with face blurred/obscured
  
• Photoshopping your head on another body
• As above and adding a fake teardrop tattoo
• Photoshoping yourself into another location/background*
  
• Having a favourites list of T-Girl lingerie shots with no pictures of your own
• As above and not having a avatar :|
• Only having photographs featuring your genitals poking out of underwear
• Commenting a real girl's ability to pass as female***
  
• Presuming everyone on Flickr is a tranny*
  

So what have I missed?

*= Thanks Steph
**= Thanks Lynn
***= Thanks Lucy

Webcomic round-up

Thanks to hayfever, I don’t have much to write about at the moment. I’m sure you don’t want to know about our new photocopier at work, so I’m going to comment on the webcomics I’m reading at the moment.

XKCD - A webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math, and language.
OK, so I think all my readers are fans, but in case you are not, you really need to check out this funny, clever and sweet webcomic featuring the most expressive stickmen you ever saw. Updates Monday, Wednesday, Friday

Questionable Content - The life and loves of slackers
QC used to be a comic about a loser and his robot friend, but when Martin met Dora it spun off into an ensemble comic about their non-relationship and all the people they interact with. My favourite character is Hannalore – Martin’s OCD clean-freak neighbour. She’s such a sweetie. Updates weekdays.

Order of the Stick - Genre-aware fantasy adventurers
If you’ve ever played Dungeons and Dragons then Order of the Stick (OOTS) is for you. It follows the fortune of a group of adventurers in a fantasy world. But these guys know the tropes and clichés of the genre, and are quite prepared to exploit this knowledge. Art is simple, but the script is funny. Updates three days a week without warning.

Darth and Droids - From the creators of Irregular Webcomic.
What if Star Wars Episode One wasn’t a film, but was instead being made up as they went along, by a group of sci-fi gamers? Similar in concept to DM of the Rings, this affectionately mocks Lucas’s folly.

Goblins - More genre savvy
Goblins follows a group of genre aware goblins with funny names as they set out on a quest to become adventurers, level-up, and become powerful enough to defend their village. Despite its silly premise, this can be quite deep and emotional without warning, but it is better for it. My favourite character is “Complains of Names”. Supposed to update every Thursday, but tends to slip a fair bit.

A Softer World - A little disturbing...
Very funny, but often very dark, A Softer World makes strips out of captioned photos. Always odd, often harsh, always clever. Also check out the authors project Overqualified - a collection of gonzo application letters.

Something Positive - and Super Stupor, Rhymes with Witch, Midnight Macabre, etc
More harshness (see the first ever comic if you don’t believe me) but also a compelling soap opera about a group of friends. The cast has swelled since the start, but there's always something interesting going on. And usually a rather snide punchline. Updates erratically.

The Book of Biff - The man with big eyebrows
Biff lives in a strange surreal world. Everyday his one panel comic has him learning something important about life.

"Thirty Million Isk!"

Its plug time :-)

If you like your sci-fi to be low on explosions and high on witty dialogue, I might have the film for you!

"Clear Skies" is a labour of love. Ian Chisholm, aka Captain John Rourke, spent two years playing around with EVE Online and Half Life 2, and with the help of a few friends made this landmark film.

You don't need to be a fan of either game to enjoy this either (although there are jokes for those in the know). The plot is a basic sci-fi staple - a simple job that looks too good to be true - but its the characters that make it. We have a well spoken villain, a bickering crew, and a few contacts with mysterious backstories that hint at a bigger picture. OK and it does have some explosions as well.

Its not perfect - some of the dialogue is lost under sound effects, the cast are hardly professionals, and its only 40 minutes long - but its gone down really well in the fan community as it marks a radical departure from the usual EVE Online video of ship combat set to a rock soundtrack.

Don't take my word for it. See for yourself

Download the movie (450mb)

Download the trailer (26mb)

Read the epic thread at The EVE Insider

The EVE Insider thread also has links to the script and the out-takes.

Meme time

I got tagged by Lynn Jones on this one:

The requirements are as follows:
1. Pick up the nearest book.
2. Open to page 123.
3. Locate the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences on your blog and in so doing…
5. Tag five people, and acknowledge who tagged you.


Setting up a narrow range of choices, then, should always be a part of your deceptions. The following are among the most common forms of “controlling the options: Colour the choices. This was a favourite technique of Henry Kissinger

-The Concise 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene

I'm going to tag:
Richard
Sanji
Charlee
Lara
and Rachel