Monday, December 24, 2007

2007 Retrospectacle

Last year I posted the following aims:

Be more assertive
Get more Pandora-time
Get a better job
See more of my friends (especially ex-workmates)
See more of a certain young lady

So how did I do?

Assertiveness? Well, I’ve started saying “no” to things that I really don’t want to do, instead of suffering in silence. I still could do some work on the whole confidence side though. A work in progress.

Pandora-time? Four outings in 2007. Not great, but not bad either. And I managed to tranny outside of the county borders. That was a first!

Better job? Oh yes. Very much so.

See more of friends? Not as great as I hoped, but those tat have MSN/Facebook get contacted regularly.

Certain young lady? We split up in summer. These things happen.

But what of the rest of the year?

Transpocalypse 2was a lot of fun, and I finally got to meet some fellow bloggers in the flesh.

Battle of the Bands continues to be the best place for music on the East coast. I got to meet my newest favourite unsigned band – Punch the Vicar - and got to wear my saloon girl fancy dress to the final. We also had the Town Centre Music Festival 2, which was great fun too.

Sadly my last remaining grandparent passed away in May (and the funeral was on my birthday :( ) but at least she didn’t suffer, and it was nice to see all the family together even for just a few hours.

July wasn’t much fun either, with me learning the hard way that Trans-hatred can be found in unlikely places. This event severely coloured my attitudes and actions regarding trannying.

Fortunately it didn’t stop me trannying at the Waterfront in September and appearing on Outline’s website 

Socially I managed to gain a new gaming group, and discover all sorts of interesting new games like Fading Suns, Serenity, and SLA Industries.

And lastly, I got sucked into Facebook.

So what will 2008 hold?

No aims this year, lets just see what happens.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all my readers!

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Attention span of a gnat

Its not new, but I've been thinking about this for a while.

Whilst channel flicking I happened to catch Russell Brand's Ponderland. Everyone's always raving about Russell, so I thought I'd give it a look.

I don't know about his other work, but Ponderland tonight consisted solely of clips from old television programmes interspersed by comedy. Well, I say "comedy", but it just seemed to be variations of "Look! Didn't people say/do funny things in the old days? Isn't that hilarious in and of itself".

He's not the only culprit. I've seen a number of clip shows where old fashioned clothes/mannerisms/attitudes are pointed at and laughed at. No actual jokes. Just laughing at how things were different.

I suppose if you have no concept of history, just seeing something different to what is popular today, is a source of never-ending hilarity. But anybody with a shred of historical knowledge, or even just somebody who was there, will just think, "Yes. That's what it was like. Do you actually have a point to make?"

I don't mind playful pastiche. I don't mind jokes at the expense of the past. Even cruel satire at the expense of old-fashioned attitudes can be funny if handled right. But just pointing at something old, and laughing because it is different, just shows how ignorant you are.

On the other hand, all these "isn't the past funny" shows will make excellent material for future shows...

"Look at this clip of a 21st century presenter mocking the past. Aren't his clothes funny? And listen to his dated catchphrases. Hilarious!"

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Does Pandora need a Facebook profile?

I've been on Facebook for a while now, and every time one of Pandora's friends gets a profile, I have to think long and hard about whether to add her as a friend.

I didn't have this problem with MySpazz as my male persona isn't under my real name. So I wasn't worried about people making the connection between the two "me"s. And anyway, on MySpazz people have hundreds of friends and its not such an issue.

But with Facebook, I'm listed under my actual given name. And I have work colleagues (who know nothing of Pandora) as friends.

I added Becky and Jane and thought nothing of it. But now I've noticed a sizeable chunk of the Trannisphere are on FB too, and I want to add them. But I'm wary of having too many T*folk in my friend list. And also I'll have to explain who I am to as most don't know the day-to-day me.

So the question is... Does Pandora merit her own Facebook profile?
It would allow me to add all those fun (but a bit girly) applications I've steered clear of.

But then, do I add myself as one of her friends? Am I setting myself up for problems? I'm wary of weaving a web that will hoist me by my own petard (if you excuse the mangled clichés). Especially If I'm not careful selecting a photo

Of those of you that have done it, are there any things you you've discovered? Or would recommend?

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Life's OK actually

Apart from filler, I haven't posted much recently. That's because things are going OK. Not fantastic, but not bad either.

My new job is pretty sweet. I'm gaming twice a week. And I've got a bunch of good mates who I can chat to online, even if I can't always meet up IRL.

The only thing lacking right now, is a special young lady, and Pandora-time. Neither are major issues right now though, although both would be nice.

So as I have nothing much to write right now, I'll leave you with a YouTube video. Sir Mix-a-lot's Baby Got Back. In the style of Gilbert and Sullivan!

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Free rice for the hungry

Think you're smart? Literate? Well-read?

Take the free rice challenge. Identify the meaning of the words provided and, thanks to sponsorship, rice gets distributed by the UN World Food Programme.

I've manage to get a vocabularly level of 45. Can you get to level 50?

You can also download an interesting game at that allows you to take the role of the UN World Food Programme representatives in a warzone. Find refugees, negotiate resources, balance a diet and deliver aid by air and land.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

New job

I’ve been a bit busy to blog recently what with the new job and all...

The new place is nice. It’s a bit sparse on staff, but then going from a 300-person branch of a national organisation to a 20-person two-location outfit was bound to be a change. There was a small drop in salary, but my yearly travel distance has dropped by 11,000 miles, so I think I win overall.

It’s also very relaxed. It gets a little tense when the phone rings, while I’m helping a drop in, trying to file, and updating the computer; but mostly its quiet. And often I’m left on my own with web access, and no “net nanny” (but I wont be blogging there till I know its safe).

There’s also a couple of cuties, but again, we’ll wait and see what they’re actually like (and if they’re married) before getting my hopes up.

The only downside, being a training facility, is the hordes of (mostly) jailbait young ladies coming in and out. I’m going to play it safe and presume they are all underage. And besides its bad form to flirt with the students :)

I think I might like it here.

When I get the hang of the computer system...

Friday, October 26, 2007

This is parody!

Frank Miller's 300 has been the source for some very funny parodies. This one made me laugh lots. Thanks to Sanji for bringing it to my attention.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Colour Quiz

I'm not sure if it's incredibly insightful, or just vague and airy like horoscopes. Blame Steg Beetle for drawing my attention to this quiz :)

My results:

Your Existing Situation
Acts in an orderly, methodical, and self-contained manner. Needs the sympathetic understanding of someone who will give her recognition and approval.

Your Stress Sources
Feels that life has far more to offer and that it is imperative that she should find the responsive and understanding relationship she is seeking; she therefore follows up any opportunity which presents itself. However, she maintains her attitude of critical appraisal and refuses to be swept off her feet unless genuineness and integrity can be absolutely vouched for. Therefore keeps a strict and watchful control on her emotional relationships as she must know exactly where she stands. Demands complete sincerity as a protection against her own tendency to be too trusting.

Your Restrained Characteristics
Egocentric and therefore quick to take offense. Able to obtain physical satisfaction from sexual activity but tends to hold aloof emotionally.
Circumstances force her to compromise and to forgo some pleasures for the time being. Capable of achieving physical satisfaction through sexual activity.

Your Desired Objective
Her need to feel more causative and to have a wider sphere of influence makes her restless and she is driven by her desires and hopes. May try to spread her activities over too wide a field.

Your Actual Problem
The fear that she may be prevented from achieving the things she wants leads her into a relentless search for satisfaction in the pursuit of illusory or meaningless activities.

Your Actual Problem #2
Intensely critical of the existing conditions which she feels are disorganized or insufficiently clear-cut. Is therefore seeking some solution which will clarify the situation and introduce a more acceptable degree of order and method.

Small print

Best Terms of Service ever:

READ CAREFULLY. By reading this blog you agree, on behalf of your employer, to release me from all obligations and waivers arising from any and all NON-NEGOTIATED agreements, licenses, terms-of-service, shrinkwrap, clickwrap, browsewrap, confidentiality, non-disclosure, non-compete and acceptable use policies (”BOGUS AGREEMENTS”) that I have entered into with your employer, its partners, licensors, agents and assigns, in perpetuity, without prejudice to my ongoing rights and privileges. You further represent that you have the authority to release me from any BOGUS AGREEMENTS on behalf of your employer.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

I'm free

Yep. That's it. Old job ended.

I'm free!

New one starts in 14 days

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Which LOLcat are you?

You are Lion Warning Cat

68% Affectionate, 62% Excitable, 44% Hungry

You are the good Samaritan of the lolcat world. Protecting others from danger by shouting observations and guidance in cases of imminent threat, you believe in the well-being of everyone.

To see all possible results, checka dis.

The Which Lolcat Are You? Test written by GumOtaku on Ok Cupid

I'm quite pleased with that.

Thursday, September 06, 2007


I put a lot of stock in material possessions, but this is one of the few things I own, that I actually love.

Over thirty years ago this little bear was presented to me by my uncle Bob. He wasn't actually my uncle, he was dad's best-man at his wedding, but all family friends were aunty-this or uncle-that.

The bear was saved from a fire in a warehouse which contained toys. The building was lost, but Uncle Bob rescued two very singed black lumps of fur from the pile of rubbish left by the fire brigade.

One went to my 'cousin' Angela and one went to me.

Except I didn't really see him for a week or two. He spent the whole of this time being washed, aired, and re-washed as he stunk of the deeply ingrained soot from the fire. But eventually I got him.

He's been repaired many times, and now his fur is balding, and his stuffing is rotten, and his eyes are dull. But he still weathers on.

He has no name. He was never given one, and he never needed one. He was always My Bear.

And I love him today as I loved him then.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Law of eights?

Lynn Jones has just tagged me, and thus it goes that I must reveal 8 fascinating facts about myself, then dump pass on the same task to 8 other bloggers (which is going to be tricky as most of my blogroll have already been tagged!)

OK so here goes:

1) I've never been to Transformations, and I've never bought any of their products.

2) I've climbed up to the top of Mont Real in Montreal, Canada and seen the huge big steel cross as close as you can get. (It looks like a radio mast close up - I nearly missed it!)

3) I'm a Union Representative and Activist at work.

4) I'm addicted to Animal Crossing: Wide World on the Nintendo DS and have to play 10 minutes everyday or my carefully cross-bred roses will die!

5) I love to dance but am incredibly self conscious dancing in front of people

6) I enjoy Backgammon

7) I have a pathological terror of syringe needles, and injections

8) I've had work published in Ragnarok - The journal of the Society of Fantasy and Science Fiction Wargamers.

And now the tricky bit. Assuming they haven't already been tagged, I nominate Helena, Chuck, Bikerchick, Sanji, Richard, Lara, Charlee, and Batsgirl.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Steam Trek: The Moving Picture

I'm a great fan of homages to silent movies, especially those that are clever enough to use the genre rather than mock it.

This one is incredibly clever, and uses some very well-judged musical cues for additional gags.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Colour Me Sicker

Mere days after I posted my black and white portrait for Luis Drayton's Colour Me Sick, fellow blogger and contributor, Helena Love fired-up her art package and produced this fantastic rendition of me:

I'm absolutely besotted with it!

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Proto-Goth icons

Your Score: Siouxsie Sioux!

Our test has determined that you possess
40% Hellbentness, 19% Sanguinity, and 48% Creeps!
Well done!

You are Siouxsie Sioux, lead singer of Siouxsie and the Banshees!

Siouxsie and the Banshees were a British gothic rock band that encompassed the punk and new wave genres. She and the Banshees were not directly involved in the early goth scene as such, but had a massive influence on it in terms of both music and image. Siouxsie Sioux courted much controversy in the band's early days with her dress, often wearing 'bondage' clothes and fetish wear. Their music had been called "gothic" as far back as 1979, and their music formed the template for a lot of female-fronted goth bands in much the same way that Siouxsie's sense of style provided a fashion plate for many female goths. Between the two bands, Siouxsie & the Banshees and Bauhaus pretty much rocked early gothic style into being.

Link: The what Proto-Goth Icon are you? Test written by anastasia_x on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Monday, August 06, 2007

Shameless Plug Time

Being a complete attention-whore (Hello? Tranny!) I couldn't wait to get involved in Luis Drayton's latest adventure Colour Me Sick: The TG Self-Portrait Colouring-In Project.

Its pretty simple really. Luis has posted a number of black and white self portraits of members of the Trannisphere. Its up to you to print them off, colour them in, and post them back on the group page.

I'm going to have a go at Miss K's funky offering when I can get to a printer and my crayons...

And here's mine:

Pandora Caitiff Self Portrait (Colour Me Sick)

Saturday, August 04, 2007

Mother knows best

Reading other blogs about de-princessing, and hiding things from parents made me feel incredibly lucky to have a mum who knows about what I do and is pleased for me.

She doesn't know ALL of what I do, because I don't want her worrying, but she's seen some of my pictures, and heard edited highlights of Transpocalypse and the like.

She was the first person I came out to, although other people may have had an inkling. She's been very supportive, very flattering about my photos, and very quick to raid my closet when she's got a fancy dress party to go to!

My brother is cool with it too, but doesn't really think about it much.

But my father doesn't know. I don't really see him much, or get on with him very well, so I'm happier presenting a façade of normality, as his girlfriend seems determined to cut me and my brother out of his life (and his will...)

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Sharon and Tracey

Right. Enough with the hate, more with the love. Feast your eyes on my new shoes.

They arrived today from Alternative Footwear. I ordered the 4" white patent stilettos, but a few days later I got an email saying they wouldn't be back in stock til October! Instead I was offered the 5" which I didn't see on their website (and which were a quid cheaper too!) I said definitely, and here they are!

I'm going to a Tarts and Vicars party with The Biker Chick soon. I think these need to be worn with black footless tights, a denim mini, and my fake gold hoopy earrings!

Just call me Chardonnay!

Monday, July 30, 2007

Law and Toilets...

Hmmm. I've been doing some research on British Law as it relates to the transgender person and toilet facilities.

First, to get it out of the way, the Licensing Act 2003 makes no mention of toilet facilities, except as an Environmental Health issue. See Great Yarmouth Borough Council Statement of Licensing Policy for more information.

The Health and Safety at Work Act 1974 states that workers must have access to separate toilet facilities, but does not specify how they are used. However a test cast of a pre-op failed because the person had had worked for the company as a man, and female co-workers were uncomfortable with 'her' presence. Here I think the key aspect is that complaints were made.

Also, see what the the Equal Opportunities Comission says on a related topic:

Can a pub refuse to serve a transsexual person?

Discrimination against transsexual people is unfortunately not unlawful in the area of goods facilities and services as it is in employment but there is a strong argument that it should be so. Test cases still need to be brought on this issue in the County Court. So far, cases have been taken to clarify the law on this issue but have settled before hearing. In one case, a transsexual woman had visited a pub on a number of occasions when she was told by the landlord not to come to the pub any more because he claimed that her presence was affecting his business. The case settled with the landlord acknowledging that he had discriminated unlawfully against her. She received an apology and an undertaking from the landlord not to discriminate against her in future, as well as compensation and a contribution to her legal costs.

Its a tricky subject. The statute law pre-dates the Gender Recognition Act, and there is not enough case law for there to be a clear direction.

Plus all of it hinges on officially labelling oneself Transgender.

I don't think I'll be taking V to court any time soon. I think I'll settle for boycotting the place and telling my tale.

Its a dive anyway. I'll suffer no hardship.

Sunday, July 29, 2007


Wow, of all of the people I've met, I would never have though Vivien (aka "V"), the licensee of Rasputins Nightclub, King Street, Great Yarmouth, would be a transphobic bigot.

Last night (Saturday 28th July), I went out to celebrate a friend's birthday. We were dressed as schoolgirls and I was presenting as female. Whilst in Rasputins I needed to use the toilet, and being dressed as a woman I decided to use the ladies toilets. To avoid any problems, I went in with a female friend, even though the toilets were empty at the time.

While I was using the cubicle there was a knock on the door and a male voice mumbled something. I finished and exited the cubicle. In the main body of the toilets were two young girls (who with hindsight looked underage - wish I'd have picked up on that at the time!) and a male bouncer holding the main door open. He waited for me to wash my hands then told me to leave the toilets.

The owner (the afore-mentioned V) took me to one side and told me she did not want me using her ladies toilets. I told her that unless someone had complained, there was no legal problem with me being there. V claimed that her guidelines for The Licensing Act (2003) said that if she finds a man in the ladies toilets, she can hand him over to the police. I said that I thought this was incorrect, and did she expect me to use the gents toilets. She said she did. I left the matter at this and went to sit with my friends.

I was shaking with anger but thought it best to leave any matters until I had a clear head. However when I left around twenty minutes later, she was on the door with a bouncer and I mentioned that she should look at The Provision of Goods and Services Act (although I think it is still going through parliament) and that I felt I had been discriminated against. She in turn told me that "If I catch you in there again, I'll knock your block off". And she is quite a large lady.

Half jokingly I asked what about if I get "The Operation". She said I would have to prove my new gender and laughed. Lacking a witty comeback, I left with my friends.

Once I have had a good nights sleep I will investigate my options. I would like to demand an apology, and threaten to make an official complaint on discrimination and threatening language. But I'd also like to make sure I have the legal (and moral) high ground before I go shooting my mouth off. I certainly plan to inform everybody who cares of this situation, regardless of the action I choose to take.

Monday, July 23, 2007


This weekend Siobhan has been playing around with trying to look femme in a butch outfit (and succeeding very well BTW).

As a result I've been having a think about my look. I took some pictures this weekend, trying on outfits for a couple of parties I'm going to in a week or so. Yes they're fancy dress!

Annoyingly I've come to the conclusion that unless I make a concerted effort I look odd dressed as any gender.

As a bloke I look (and act) a bit camp. I think its more to do with being comfortable with myself and not caring enough to indulge in macho bullshit.

As a girl, mainly due to my build, I look a bit butch (see this extreme example). Although I do mostly act girly. Even more so when drunk...

Its not a big thing as some of the blokes (and quite a few of the girls) I hang around with are macho enough for both of us. Its just something I have to bear in mind when posing for pictures.

Update 24/07/07 - I just showed my Mum the picture above, and she said, "Oh wow! You look just like the Saturday girl who works in my shop." So I guess its not all bad after all.


I'm glad its not just me...

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Double Standards

I recently went to a fancy dress party as a saloon girl. All night I had young ladies coming up to me asking if they could feel my breasts.

Those under 18 were told "no." Those over 18 were told "Only if I can feel yours". Regardless of the answer all grabbed anyway, then covered their chest and backed off.

I wasn't particularly interested in any of these girls breasts, but I was mightily annoyed at their presumption - imagine the fuss if I had grabbed a girl's breasts after being told no!

Can we just have some consideration for other people's feelings and personal space please?

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Big Girl (You are Beautiful)

As a plus-size tranny I'm now very fond of Mr Mika.

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

XKCD for the win

Clever. And very nerdy:

You might need to view full size to read the placard

Saturday, June 30, 2007

Fancy dress frenzy

Fancy dress parties are my favourite kind of party. My only problem is that I have to stagger the Pandora costumes with the 'Bob' costumes as I'm not 100% out.

I've got possibly two parties coming up in the next month, but I have a dilemma as they will be with the same peeps, so I cant wear the same outfit.

I've got a "naughty schoolgirl" outfit pieced together from real clothes which is my backup plan for the first party. I also just bought this:
The problem is that the second party might be Moulin Rouge themed, so I want to save the new costume if the second theme goes ahead. But I wont know that until possibly after the first party. *sigh*

I think its going to be a last minute decision. Unless I can get the organiser to commit to a theme now...

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Too fat to die

As a fatty this article from The Onion caused me to literally LOL.

Dr. Marjorie Reese, director of UCLA's Obesity Pathology Clinic says, "...the fact that obesity impedes suicide is truly troubling. It appears that the more reason people have to die, the less capable they are of doing so. They are literally trapped in their grotesque, blubbery bodies."

But she advises that losing weight to enable suicide has its own problems: "If they mistake their all-but-meaningless improvement for a legitimate reason to live, their fat, revolting lives may be prolonged indefinitely."


Wednesday, June 13, 2007


It made my sides hurt. I am such a nerd...

More LOLcats can be found at

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

“I know where it’s at”

There’s a misconception that local music scene consists of identikit rock bands playing the same ten cover versions. That might be true for a large number of venues (and bands) but there are still individuals striking out from the beaten path.

Here are my personal recommendations. All the bands I name below play sets exclusively of original material.

Our Dead Empire

They call themselves “Emo” but don’t let that put you off. ODE came about as a way for their guitarist dealing with the breakdown of his marriage. All the songs have a deep backstory, and whether that comes out overtly or not, they all have poignancy to them. Therapy has never sounded so good! Plus they’re all really nice blokes!


Turnstone draw many comparisons with The Beatles, The Rolling Stones and The Kinks. Although their inspiration is very obvious, Turnstone have a significant body of original material whilst retaining a familiar feel although they are not averse to the odd cover if the venue is appropriate.

Punch the Vicar

Young female and punk, PTV are just plain entertaining. With songs like “Ode to a Porno Mag”, “The Minge Song” and an energetic cover of the Spice Girls’ Wannabe, it’s pretty clear you are going to have fun. Sometimes enthusiasm wins out over professionalism but that all part of the package. Some bands have printed T-Shirts. PTV have logo-printed knickers!


My favourite (still-existing) ska band. Fast, energetic, and their lead singer has an amazing way of rolling his Rs. They do a nice line in social commentary too: listen to “Skarrific Gangster” if you can. Or for a laugh track down their cover of Arthur (the kids TV show, not the Dudley Moore film!)

Last Paradigm

With two lead singers with very different voices Last Paradigm sound unlike any other metal band you will hear on the East coast. And since both sing the same lines together you get a weird (dis)harmony effect that is hard to describe if you’ve not heard it. The songs they have on their site don’t really give you a feel

Sweet Dizease

I still am not sure if Sweet Dizease are truly serious about their angry anti-Christian stance, or whether they are having a bit of fun. Either way, their catchy brand of metal goes down well with the crowds, and you would be hard pressed not to yell out “Unite in the death pit!” during Pious. Their lead singer gets totally into character and if the crowd is slack in its response he won’t hesitate to tell them how “fucking pitiful” they are. Sweet Dizease amuse me immensely.

The Divide

More original rock. This is a bit more old school hard rock rather than metal, with the odd cover for good measure. The Divide are showmen and performers as well as musicians, and their frontman in his top hat, wild hair, raggedy coat and skull necklaces will keep you entertained with his capering and growling in between numbers.

Finally we have an odd last entry:


Alcanal is not a local band, but a musician/producer. You won’t see him on stage these days, but he is content to produce tracks exclusively for MySpace. Listen to “Hopton Shark Rescue” and you will know why I find this guy hilarious.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Pandering to Miss EnVerite

My Tranny Footprint

373248 COt

(COt = Cubic Ounces of trannieness)

Calculate your tranny footprint at BeckysWeb!

My Tranny Footprint

I emit as much trannieness as:


Calculate your tranny footprint at BeckysWeb!

Sunday, June 03, 2007


After some much needed closure, I'm mostly back on form.

Lucy and I will remain friends, now that we've cleared the air. And our well-stocked dressing-up boxes and identical dress size is merely a coincidence.

My gran had a nice send off. And although we will all miss her lots, having the worry of the funeral arrangements behind us means we can get on and grieve properly.

My car still makes mysterious noises, but the garage can find no actual physical problems with it.

My optician has not contacted me following my glaucoma test, so I'm hopeful the first test was a blip.

And my birthday was finally celebrated three days late with cake and family. Present highlights include 35mm scale kung-fu schoolgirls, the pop-up Kama Sutra, and a fantastic Lego mecha.

There's still some crap in session (eg my job) but the week from hell is over.


Sunday, May 27, 2007


Last night I went out to celebrate my birthday with a bunch of mates and Lucy. It was a fantastic night.

I *was* going to write up some of our adventures, and draw a discreet veil over someone staying the night...

Except that a few hours after I dropped her home I got a text saying she didn't think it was going to work and she was sorry.

I was surprisingly restrained and understanding in the text exchanges, but now that it is over I just feel numb and a little nauseous.

*sigh* I thought I had something really good here.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

"For the benefit of Miss Rogers"

The English language is often quite inadequate. Not because of the lack of words to chose from, but because a lot of the useful phrases have connotations or implications.

Today was mine and Lucy's first daytime date. We went for a picnic in the park. It was really nice and relaxed, and we're beginning to be less guarded around each other.

When I dropped her back at her home there was an awkward silence. Eventually Lucy asked if we were "you know...".

I explained that I really fancied her, and I liked spending time with her.

"But?" she asked.

"No buts" I explained. I really do want to spend more time with her.

So after about 10 minutes of trying to find the right words, we decided we were boyfriend and girlfriend and both went off with silly grins on our faces. We're off to see my friend's band tomorrow night.

But I still cant find the right words:

Dating - Nope, that's what we've been doing.
Going out - sounds like something said in high school
Exclusive - Lucy liked this suggestion, but its still not the right word
Involved - too euphemistic
Going steady - What is this? The 50s?

Any ideas?

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Eurovision 2007

What kind of tranny would I be if I didn't do a Eurovision review? Well, I don't know about you, but I wasn't actually watching this year. I was out doing karaoke with Lucy :)

I have been skimming the YouTube archives this morning though, and I'm quite taken by Bulgaria's strange tribal/techno track.

I was less impressed by the UK's sub-VengaAirways effort.

And having heard it, I'm also quite put out that the amusing Israeli tune didn't get to the finals. Bloody politics.

Aaaaanyway... The best way to enjoy Eurovision is to host a house party and watch as a group. Have a few drinks, get everybody to pick a country and then heckle to your hearts content! I still have fond memories of the 2005 party I went to.

Monday, April 30, 2007

Reasons to be cheeful, part 3

1) Lucy
-although that's all I’m saying for now :-)

2) Going to a gig Friday as Pandora
-haven't dressed up since Transpocalypse

3) Kingdom of Loathing
– still the funniest online RPG around

4) Oban Star Racers
- like the best bits of Star Wars pod-racing with characters you care about

5) Tomorrow is Strike-Day
- "Freedom for Tooting!"

Thursday, April 26, 2007


Playing around with online "me makers" can be fun, but it still seems like every virtual me is skinny. Where are the big wimin at?

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

"Captures theives just like flies..."

Regulars to my Flickr profile will have noticed a recent theme of spider photos. This is because summer draws near again, and my home is about to host a three-month spider convention.

I don't mind the tiny ones (up to an inch leg-span), but the bloody huge ones that are too big to scoop up in a tub freak me the hell out.

The photography is a cheap attempt at suppressing my arachnophobia. If I can get to the stage where finding a new spider is met with "Ooh! Better get my camera" rather than "EEEK! SPIDER!" than I'm winning.

Monday, April 09, 2007

The Freedom of Price

Call me a cynic if you want…

(Waits for cries to die down)

…but surely it’s obvious why the MOD has let the Iran captives sell their story?

1: The British public is far more likely to side with the soldiers, and against Iran, as a result of a newspaper story than any number of press releases from the establishment.

2: Soldiers with a large payout from the Sun/Mirror/Mail etc are far less likely to try to claim compensation for the suffering they went through.

So there we have a simple and elegant plan from the MOD which, if there’s any backlash, will be targeted against the soldiers for greed rather than the MOD for being manipulative.

Everyone wins.

Saturday, March 31, 2007

Internet "Cafés"

I’ve got a whole hive of bees in my bonnet right now (mainly work or people taking diabolical liberties), but one of the tiny niggling things is so-called Internet Cafes.

In my town there have been a host of tiny shop fronts opening up that contain a server, a few PCs and some furniture. They offer Internet access by the hour and proudly proclaim their status as Internet Cafes.

What annoys me is that the owners (mostly band-wagoneers woefully out of date) seem to think that a service that provides Internet access is a “café”, when what most of us will realise is that the original Internet cafes were actually cafes that also provided Internet access. The café part of the name refers to the serving of coffee, tea and light snacks.

I want to go into these little places and ask for a full English breakfast, or a croissant and a latte.

I might take a camera to record the look of confusion on their face.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

“Nuclear Wessels”

Serious blog posting here today. Sorry.

There is a lot of talk at the moment about the Trident nuclear-submarine defence system. Many people are saying we should update it because we need to have a nuclear deterrent. Some people are saying we should not update and spend the £20bn on hospitals, schools, infrastructure and the environment.

The pro-nuke argument points to rogue second- and third-world countries who are trying to develop nukes (and some cynics suggest we might need to defend ourselves from America one day).

The anti-nuke argument says we have America to defend us, and we’ve never needed to use the Trident system, why would we need it now.

As a budding game-theorist I’ve been looking at the nuclear ‘game’ and have spotted a flaw in the pro-British nuclear deterrent argument.

The basic form of the nuclear deterrent is this: If we both have nukes each of us knows that we cannot launch a strike without retaliation. And where nukes are concerned retaliation means we both end up sitting in a radioactive crater with leukaemia.

The problem with this is that it assumes both sides realise the consequences, and aren’t willing to die to harm their opponent.

This falls down when you consider the rogue states that the politicians point to as a threat. Most of these countries haven’t played the cold-war games, and some contain zealots who are willing to die for their cause if it will harm their enemies. If this is the case, no matter how many nukes we have, we could still be targeted by these countries.

We might have nukes, but no-one is being deterred. Spend the money on something useful.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Body Fascists

I went clothes shopping today. I thought I'd try out a few new places for my Pandora wardrobe.

Firstly I went to Primark. Cheap and cheerful, and I've heard good things about their range. Sadly most of the stock is bog standard stuff or hideous 70s prints. I did manage to find some gorgeous negligees in black and pink lace. Except they only go up to 16/18. I'm hardly huge, but my shoulders and ass requires a 20. I'll try somewhere else.

There's a George store in my local mall, except there seems to be a gap. I can find 18s and 22s but no sign of 20s. Maybe there's been a run of people annoyed with Primark.

Trying TK Maxx I give up immediately when I find "Extra Large" refers to size 16!

Despondent I give up on clothes shopping and shop for other things, although I did find a lovely bracelet in Claire's Accessories.

On the way home I stop into my regular Asda and find a cute pink chemise and a very sexy black basque and knicker set in my size. (The cup size claims to be a DD but oddly when I get home my falsies fit fine). And when I get to the till I find out they are half price, and they just haven't adjusted the ticket yet. Score!

Not sure when I'm going to get to wear the basque, but with detachable straps (shoulder and suspender) it might work as a sassy top with a short black skirt and my snakeskin jacket.

Friday, February 09, 2007

Nicky Hambleton-NO!

I watched 10 Years Younger yesterday. They had a guy on who was only 35 but looked like a cross between John Peel and Worzel Gummidge. However, when they finished with him I though he looked older, and I had a few issues with their techniques and opinions.

With the scraggy beard and long hair the guest looked like he was late forties. People confirmed this when they asked the public to speculate on his age. However, when they finished with him he was clean-shaven with messy hair, and had the biggest crow’s feet you ever saw – even bigger than Michele Collins. With his “Kaiser Chiefs” look, the crows feet and contact lenses (I’ll get on to that in a minute) he looked like Cliff Richards – actually 60/70 but trying to dress like his grandkids. And yet the public said he looked late 20s. Were they blind, stupid or bribed? And I wonder how he will manage his job as a rock DJ looking like an indie kid?

My second big hate was that they removed his glasses. As a glasses-wearer I hate it when makeover shows remove the glasses. Are they saying glasses make you look old? Ugly? Poor? With designer frames, rimless and half rimmed glasses available, this is a very lazy method of changing your look and totally undermines the confidence of a huge section of the population.

And then we have hair. I have long hair. I like it because the public and vapid style mags think short hair is “cool” and tell us men over 18 should not grow their hair. What can I say? I’m a rebel. However the “top stylist” on the show decided it had to come off, as they have done with every long-haired bloke who has submitted himself to a makeover show since the history of television. I say that if you are a “top stylist” and cannot find a suitable style or cut to make long hair work on a man, you are a mere barber fit for shaving and short back and sides. If all you can do is copy Heat and Vogue, shame on you, you pander!

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

The wrong stereotype

Driving home today I was confronted by a Times Online billboard. It had a close-up of a pair of eyes looking through the slit of the full Muslim veil (burkha or hajib? I can never remember). There was also a tagline about discrimination but the exact wording escapes me.

Obviously the eyes and veil have become a sort of visual short-hand for the "great veil debate" (in the Daily Mail at least). However, here in Norfolk we don't have a huge Muslim community, and those that shop in the main centres tend to wear the open face veil. Whether that's for practicality or a concession to living in the UK we'll never know. But its because of this relaxed attitude that when I see eyes peering from a thin slit in black material I don't think "Muslim" I think "ninja". Too many video games and bad films I guess.

And this is why I spent a good five minutes pondering who would be stupid enough to discriminate against a silent killer, before my brain made the mental leap.

Monday, January 29, 2007

Transpocalypse (written with the benefit of a good night’s sleep)

What a strange 48 hours it has been.

Friday was spent rushing around, packing everything I thought I might need and making a HUGE packed lunch (good call as its turns out – I had enough for the journey home). A friend helpfully points out that a local garage rents out Tom-Tom sat -navs. Sadly I will be 50 miles away before they even open. One for next time maybe. Eventually I manage to get to sleep.

Saturday morning I awake at 6.30am and have a decent breakfast and check my turnips (Animal Crossing: Wild World). Then I washed, dressed and loaded the car, with more luggage than I normally take on a long weekend. A quick text to Richard Eichmann to wake him up, and I’m off.

The drive to Norwich is clear and stress free, but I forget that getting to Richard’s involves a 15 trek through the city.

And he’s been awake for 10 minutes when I arrive.

After a panicked search for his passport (he looks younger than he is, and worries about over-zealous bouncers) we give up and set off.

The bulk of the journey is pretty smooth sailing, if tiring, and we also discover than when you get further west than Newark on Trent, all the services dry up. The Derbyshire Dales are spectacular although the route is very twisty and on the edge of huge drops, and I have flashbacks to Sega Rally (“Easy right baby!”).

We got to Liverpool in an amazing 6 1/2 hours.

It’s when we exit the M62 and enter the greater Liverpool area that it gets a bit tricky. AA directions are woefully inadequate and ignore useful things like landmarks:

Richard: “We’re looking for a turn off for the Royal Liverpool Hospital.”

Me: “Errr. We have two exits labelled for the hospital.”

Richard: “B5340?”

Me: “Neither of then. Oh bugger, let’s stay on this road. What are we looking for next?”

We get directions from a local who was very helpful but seemed incredibly puzzled that we were asking, and eventually find the hotel. And the full car-park.

Minutes away is a bit of waste ground marked as a car park. Except it closes at five. And doesn’t open on Sunday, so I can’t leave it locked in overnight. The owner suggests we leave it in his car park and keep an eye on the long stay by the hotel.

It works out OK in the end, and I get a space.

We spend the next couple of hours chilling, watching some film with Judi Dench and Stephen Fry in, and speculating why the lobby of a Liverpool hotel is full of local girls checking in.

We get tarted up and head for the proposed meeting in the Lisbon. The receptionist has never heard of the Lisbon, but confirms the road we’re heading for is correct. And then we discover why all the girls earlier – the front steps are covered in a fluffy pink hen party. And they are overjoyed to see a tranny! Smiles and cheers all round – its great to be a tranny!

We get to the Lisbon with no problems, and have a drinkie. The regulars barely raise an eyelid, and the lace seems nice. We’re soon joined by Joanna and Valerie who look amazing (and make me feel a little like a backwater novice, but it soon passes). And within minutes we are joined by a whole gaggle of trannies and partners. Many I didn’t know, but I recognised Becky , Jane , Chrissy , Beth, and Clarissa . Apologies to (among others) Sophie, Isobel and Penny who I know I met, but can’t connect the names to the faces in my camera.

We head off to the Mandarin, and get there as planned for 8. This is probably the most sociable part of the evening and much chat ensues. Although Bex does the rounds the seating plan sort of splits us into two camps, but it’s all good. We are joined soon after by four locals and another Norfolk trannie with her partner (making 30% of the group from East Anglia). Unfortunately we don’t get the main course till 10! The food was pretty good (stingy rice portions though) but I’ll draw a veil over the bill. Maybe paying separately might be a good idea next time though as down on the low table we were pretty thrifty with food and drink.

Clubbing is where is sort of goes a bit Pete Tong. Liverpool is freezing, and we all suffer for our miniskirts! Navy Bar is our first stop, and I’ve got to admit that even by comparison to Great Yarmouth clubs, it’s a bit of a dive. Big room with a bar and a DJ. And a ratty sofa. The music is way too loud for me and there is nowhere to escape the din.

We huddle in the corner and finish our drinks before moving on again.

On the way to G-Bar we are offered pills by some very friendly locals, right there on the street, but they seem OK with our refusals.

We stop for a cash machine, and I finally get to have a chat with Jane. Smart girl, and very nice.

We get to G-Bar and it’s a fiver to get in. We try Garlands, and that’s £10. We mill around a bit pondering in the freezing cold, and Becky announces that Jane is not feeling too good. She apologises and they go off home. We decide to give G-Bar a go. It’s packed. And I don’t mean “a bit full”. It’s completely wall-to-wall with bodies. It is impossible to dance, and drinking is difficult.

I try downstairs with Richard, Chrissy and Beth. There’s much more room, but the music is crap. I get chatted up by a couple of blokes, but I’m not interested. Well I say “chatted up” the second bloke had an impenetrable scouse accent, so he may have been offering me drugs or discussing Proust.

About 2 we find Joanna and Val going home, so walk back with them to the hotel. And meet the hen night also turning in! They’ve had a pretty good night at least.

Sleep is easy but I have to get up at 7.30 to feed the meter. I’m not alone! No idea why I can’t just buy a two day ticket, but there you go.

We get up around noon and head off. After a crappy Big Mac at Lymm, we hit the motorway. After turning off and heading for Knutsford we miss a turning and are only back on track and hour later. The Dales are trickier this time with fog and rain, and by the time night falls we are only as far as Lincolnshire. After a very tedious night drive, I drop Richard off and am looking forward to a short drive home and a cup of tea. Only some bugger has caused the Acle Straight to be closed off, and it’s a 40 minute slog through back roads and pissant villages before I can finally rest. (And discover my mum has left me new bathroom mats, the jobs page of the local paper, and some Malteasers – Thanks Mum!)

Overall it was great to see everyone; even if I didn’t get to speak to everybody I wanted too. Nice to put names (and voices) to faces. You’re a lot taller than I expected Bex – must be all those photos with Siobhan!

So in closing – congratulations to Becky on a tricky job (herding cats springs to mind). Next time though, a more anal-retentive approach to researching clubs might be a good idea.

I might be in touch with some of you later in the year if you want to meet up for drinkies in smaller groups.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Transpocalypse: Aftermath

Wow. What an experience

Full write up when I'm back to normal, but giant thankyous to Bex and Jane for organising, and everyone else for turning up and making the night.

And in acse I forget: The Derbyshire Dales - WOW! I've seen mountains in Wales and Canada, but for a poor Norfolk tranny, driving through the heights was a hell of an experience.

"Easy right. Hard left 100 yards. Right 200 yards. Etc." Heh.

Thursday, January 25, 2007


Don't you hate it when people put ideas into your head?

I went to the opticians yesterday. I've never feared the optician before. Dentist? Yeah. Doctor? Sometimes. But never the optician. What is the worst they could say? You need stronger glasses? Woo! Big deal.

So why was my gut churning yesterday? Astigmatism.

All it means is that one of my eyes is more lemon-shaped than spherical. But I'd never heard it before. It's the first time anyone had mentioned it to me.

And then she had to mention the slightly increased risk of detached retinas. Thank you. Now I'm seeing floaters and getting a twinge in that eye. Nothing has changed since yesterday, but now I'm sensitive to any little change and I'm getting heartburn and nauseous feelings fearing the worst.

Oh well, at least I've got Transpocalypse to look forward to. Road trip for me and Mr Eichmann. And the telly says the snow is pretty much gone too. Cool!

And I've now got a much better reason for turning down bungee jumps.

See you all Saturday.

Monday, January 01, 2007

Same shit; different number

I don't do New Year's resolutions. But things I am going to try to do in 2007 are:

Be more assertive
Get more Pandora-time
Get a better job
See more of my friends (especially ex-workmates)
See more of a certain young lady :)

Good luck to all of you who have made some. That goes double for smokers quitting!